I seriously do not know what I want anymore. There have been many times when I have a dream for my future and I have no support or confidence so I end up giving up on the dream and changing it. My mom wants me to do stuff that I do not want to do, I do not want to disappoint her, but FUCK! I want to do what I want to do! I have nothing! Now with all the stress my mom has brought down on me, and the stress of not knowing what to do with my future. I don’t want this, I’d […]
Tag:
wants
I think that all humans are essentially ‘evil’, and by that, I mean selfish, among other commonly presumed negative things. Generally, I also believe that people are submissive and ignorant. I don’t think I’m really that different, but I’m aware of my own shortcomings. Why keep living when humans don’t care for one another, and when love is just a temporary high? I know my purpose in life is to work for people and receive happiness from making money, and live a life that I had no choice to experience, nor can I live a life I want, for I want nothing. I don’t even […]
Here’s what I mean. I just came back from going upto the shops. It took me 2hrs to walk up there & back. I walk in the door, everybody is downstairs & NOBODY notices me. I walk, or rather hobble, right infront of them & no one says anything. Its like I don’t exist until someone wants something from me!
I just want my old life back. Where I was happy, or could pretend easily, would go out every weekend, drink, make friends. Where noone told me I should do this or that, people needed me for help, but they would also help me. Where I […]
I have depression. Everyday it’s a big struggle to get up and out of bed. Part of the reason is because it’s near impossible to fall asleep between the tears and the suicide plans I plan but am too tired to act out. I’ve been on antidepressants for 6 weeks but the give me horrible mood swings and have made me feel worse… I’ve stopped taking them until my doctor can prescribe me a new kind, but that’s not until next week… I’m tired all the time… Everyone says that it’s because the stress and anxiety from the depression tires you out… My ex boyfriend, […]
I wanted to do it. I was convinced I was going to take my life. I was devastated. Things had been moving in a positive direction since I last posted, but I knew it was only an amount of time before things came crumbling down. I quit my job. I hadn’t planned on doing it the way I did, but I lost my mind. Things were so bad there, I quit because my managers wouldn’t do anything to help me. No matter how many times I asked for help with a co worker they let it slide and made it out like it was my […]
For English we had to write an essay making something personal into a public service announcement. Naturally, I chose mental illness. This is my personal aspect:
Self preservation is the body’s natural instinct to protect itself from harm or death. In times of starvation, a human will resort to cannibalism, or in times of extreme stress, our sympathetic nervous system will release adrenaline in a “fight or flight” response. So what happens with our brains fight with our bodies on whether or not to live? When the brain wants nothing more to kill itself off than the body naturally tries to keep going? Mental illness […]
Wednesday – my official day off. My daughter works at the same office so I dragged myself out of bed and drove her to work. I would usually stop for a bite to eat on the way home but I’ve felt like puking for three days so I just went home, back to bed and waited for the sun to make my room too hot to tolerate again.
I ran out of pain meds days early so the “rationing” has me fighting withdrawal again. I don’t see the quacktitioner until Friday and the HMO I have wants all their patients off pain meds so thy don’t […]
From what I’ve read the whole seven pounds scenario is nearly impossible to pull off. I’m looking for a volunteer to make me brain dead through strangulation. My goal is to save as many lives as I can. I want to die, but I want to try doing some good with my death. Obviously we can’t communicate via electronic means so finding alternate means I guess is the best method. I figure if I can pull this off I can save some lives by my death. The U.S should allow people who want to die and want to donate their organs to do so in […]
This is a slightly edited version of a comment I left on someone else’s post, but I wanted to extend this invitation to the SP community:
Would any of you guys be interested in keeping in touch in some capacity on Facebook? I created a Facebook account specifically for this purpose, and if you wanted to do that, we could keep in touch while protecting our anonymity.
I’ve realized that one of the things I miss the most about the friendship I recently lost was that, most days, we’d touch base here and there throughout the day (we live in different cities). And this didn’t necessarily mean […]
I made the decision Friday as I was leaving work.
I’ve been struggling with it since I came here. After years of trying, I finally got hired for my dream job. I moved to another state – something I’ve always wanted to do – to take it. The job is good. My coworkers are good. My boss is good, and the money is good.
The problem is me. I’m an utter failure. In the few weeks that I’ve been here, I’ve mishandled tickets, screwed up projects, behaved unprofessionally, and even lost data. My coworkers can’t stand me, and I can’t blame them. One guy is actually looking for another […]
I’m not sure where to express what I’m feeling. I don’t want to drag down my friends. I don’t want to announce it on Facebook.
I’m totally heartbroken. I miss my ex so much. He turned out to be not very nice in the end. I feel like I’ve lost part of myself. I can’t believe he could be so callous, so cold – to leave me when I was suicidal, two days after fleeing home because I couldn’t cope. He left me homeless and took advantage of me sexually. Like, what? How? This person told me he loved me more than anyone in the world […]
Heres the short version of my story, im 20 have never gotten laid, have aspergers, dont have any legit friends, left school because I couldnt take the mental horror that was bullying. I have no degree, I havent had a girlfriend in years, all my friends have someone in their lives, but me im the ugly duckling who wants to take a revolver an blow his head off. Why am I always getting rejected by people :'(
I need to get Ryan out of there. we have little contact, because his phone broke. he is the one I love most in this world. I wake up crying every single day and I feel like he feels trapped. I pray for him multiple times a day even after saying God doesn’t exist. I try to contact Ryan from his dad’s phone, only to have his dad tell me to never call or text his phone again. my parents don’t care about my problems, I pushed all my friends away, I have nobody that really wants to be around me anymore because I’m so […]
Sigh…alright…this needs to be said. Don’t take this as me attacking anyone, because I really don’t want to cause a problem. I was here over a year ago and saw the same thing. It made me leave then because it isn’t what anyone needed. A lot of what I see isn’t true depression, it isn’t true psychological pain. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t doubt that people that post here have rough lives. Everyone has rough patches. A lot of what I see here is simple: a bunch of kids that blow things out of proportion, that assume because one thing bad happened in their […]
I saw all of this news about ISIS beheadings and Ukraine in despair, and to be honest, I don’t really care about it anymore. I almost wish that ISIS would take over and America would get involved in a nuclear war with Russia, because that would increase my chance of dying. Why fucking bother with humans? We’re never satisfied with what we have. I am no exception. Life feels so unfortunate, like a losing game. Whichever path chosen leads to death and disappointment. Fall in love only to fall out of it or want to cheat because one lover is not enough. Of course, that […]
I’ve never been the kind of girl that you would look at and know deep down she wants to kill herself. I got straight A’s, was social and love to perform in front of people. I guess I always have struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts though. To me it has always been a matter of when I would do it. I guess in the back of my mind I have always known that something was wrong with me when I would have to fake laugh with my friends but at any given moment I could have just stopped and been emotionless or when I […]
This is so short but seriously, I Hate School. I don’t want to go back to the place which is borderline jail. Who wants to wake up and be constantly judged for 7 whole long hours of the day? I’m fine without thank you.
Also it smells of sweat. Gross or what? I don’t know.
In the last week my amazing job has stopped being amazing. I moved stores to help this store achieve success, I was told id be stepping on toes but in time it would dissipate. Now it seems the person who feels threatened by me has put in a complaint, unsure of the nature I asked and was told I couldn’t be told and that a note would be placed in my file. I’m not allowed to face my accuser or defend myself, it doesn’t make sense. Considering I was aware when I took the position that it would be hard for the older staff member […]
I was in a relationship for 15 years where he belittled me on a daily basis. It wasn’t until the divorce and 2 children later that I was told I suffer from battered woman’s syndrome. I was always too fat, never good enough in bed, mean, moody, didn’t clean enough, not a good cook, not a good mom, didn’t take my schooling far enough to be able to give him all the material things he wanted, etc. Finally after a year of being divorced, I tried online dating. I met several people, none of which caught my attention. Then I met one that was not […]
me and Ryan kinda jumped into things very fast. He moved in with me after two weeks, but we were happy as can be. I was always weary that he was lying to me, because that’s just what I’ve always been used to. But everything he said always added up. He was extremely supportive of everything, including my mental illnesses. we were in everything together. Ryan comes from a very rough child hood. Him & his siblings were taken away from his parents when I believe he was three. He found his mom when he was 18, and moved in with her. I actually met […]