I don’t really know what to say. I’ve gotten so used to saying nothing to people because they don’t want to hear about what’s on my mind. And because I’m afraid of the consequences. The psych ward is no fun. Jail is no fun. I’m never going back to either. I used to cut. Pro tip: if anyone asks about the marks, just lie, even if it’s not believable. They won’t challenge you on it because they don’t want to deal with it. Fortunately the scars have faded with time and I have hairy arms so nobody ever notices unless I show them. My […]
Tag:
worse
Stop whatever you’re doing and read this. It’s important.
Okay, chances are, you’re probably on this website because you had a terrible day or worse; a terrible childhood. Or some sort of traumatic experience. But you know what the other reason for you being here is? The much bigger and more important reason? The fact that you’re alive and a sentient being.
You have free will to a certain extent. Your mental capacity is nigh on infinite. You’re a beautiful and complex person. What’s more is that you matter. You’re important. You are amazing and awesome and genuine. So don’t let anyone else tell you […]
this girl says I’m the one…she says she loves me…I’m get soul mate. Before she came along I didn’t wanna live at all. She came to me and all I wanted to do was live and be with her. But she’s left me four times. She needs a break…again. I can’t do it anymore. I’m so stupid. I mest up with this. Now she’s gone and all I wanna do is die. I want someone or something to kill me. I love her so much and she says she loves me. I don’t understand why she keeps doing this. After everything ice done for her…she […]
I miss you so much. I miss talking with you, I miss being with you, your company was my distraction from the dark void in my head.
The flashbacks I’m having are brutal. I constantly want to kill everyone around me. The anxiety and anger is just getting worse. I can’t go out in public without my eyes darting back and forth like someone is out to get me. I hate people.
Last therapy session made me rehash things that I long buried, I relived the shock and disgust. Therapist even commented on the scared look in my face. I just dont know what to do anymore.
I couldn’t keep up with a fast-paced job for even a week.
I can’t even find a good job at all.
I can’t make my boyfriend laugh the way I used to. I can’t tell him anything that will give me more than “yeah well” or “baby”. When he says he loves me, the only thing I can think is that he doesn’t really mean it. He doesn’t ask me how my day is or try to talk about things with me anymore. But God knows he has plenty to tell his friends on his computer game.
I came to New York a month and a half ago […]
just tired of the suffering, when does it end? im tired of doing all of the exhausting, tedious stuff every day just so i can continue to be alive and struggle. my logical mind tells me that if I pass then my pain will be gone. as long as i live, i will struggle and suffer. i just gotta be realistic. the only true way to END the pain for good is to be no more. im tired of the continued suffering . it hasnt gotten better. its stayed the same or gotten worse actually,, definitely feeling ready to leave as soon as possible. […]
Yep. There was a chance for me in April where I could have died from cyanide poisoning. As painful as that would have been, I’d be dead right now. My suffering would have ended there. I hate myself for not doing it, for not taking the chance I had.
I thought I could make a life for myself, for my Grandmother’s sake at the very least, but things have gotten worse since then. I’m making excuses, whatever. I want out right now. I’m going to try again tonight. It should work if I’m serious enough.
In case it does work; I bid thee farewell.
<3
After he left me, I turned upside down. I thought sleeping with guys would help me forget him, maybe i actually thought the guy i was with would actually love me, but that was all a joke. It would never be love, it was all lust. That’s all it is now adays is lust, maybe for a second i honestly thought i had feelings for these guys. Now, sex isn’t pleasurable.. i just want it to be done with when i have it. Maybe i thought i could honestly numb out the feelings for him with other guys, because alcohol wasn’t working with me, smoking […]
I don’t know much about this site. I don’t know if anyone is actually reading this. I don’t want to complain, and I don’t want to make anything worse. I only want to write; I love to write. I can’t imagine I’m very good at it, but I love it. It’s among the only things that distracts from everything else.
I really can’t do it anymore.
I’ve tried so hard for so many years. The depression, the anxiety, the stress, the unprecedented shame and awkwardness, the never-ending pot of guilt, and the hopelessness. I’ve seen so many counselors, I’ve been on meds, I spent a […]
I’ve posted a few times, explaining how I tried getting through this and how I’m coping. I’m trying to be positive and focus on the small, good things in order to get by. But sometimes I have to ask myself, why? Why am I doing this? My life has been shit. There’s no other way to describe it. It’s been an uphill struggle since day one. I keep pushing on, keeping trying to find that light… But why? What is the reason for it? In the hopes that something will finally click and things will be better/good? That maybe one day I’ll be like everyone […]
I’m hopefully going to end it tonight. I’ve felt unhappy and alone for many years and while I’ve coped for as long as I have its gradually gotten worse and I just can’t deal with it anymore. My only regret is the pain I’ll cause my family and the few friends I have by doing this, I don’t expect them to respect my decision some of them will even think I’m selfish and a coward but if refusing to continue to live in misery to keep them happy is selfish then so be it.
People say that just having been born is a miracle…but what if your life has just seemed like a constant unrelenting series of break and enters. That’s how I feel. All of my major stages of life right from early childhood have just been marked with catastrophic events. I’ve posted before what’s happened to me so I won’t go into that again <hears cheers>. I’ve had two psychologists tell me that I’m the worse case they’ve seen. One even told me that even though she’s trained not too feel her patient’s pain she told me that my case affected her. That’s no lie. At 53 […]
I can’t shake this feeling. I can’t stop crying and the tantrums keep getting worse. I recently started seeing a doctor, and all I do is cry but I feel relieved talking about my pathetic life to someone who can help me. Now I face something that frightens me, I’m only allowed 8 free sessions because I don’t have insurance. I feel like everyone leaves me, I’m afraid I’ll get comfortable only to lose my doctor. Everyone walks out of my life, I can’t stand people and yet I hate being alone. I don’t know what I want out of life, and I want to […]
Nothing works. medication after medication each one with worse side effects, more medication to deal with those side effects, I’m getting more and more sick and the doctors do fuck all. I’m so pissed off with everything I can’t even put it into words. I’ve got worse and worse, I’m less independent and worse off than I was at 16. Ten years of shite. I stopped taking all meds last night, I give up, I won’t do this anymore. I want to feel alive one last time before I end it all. But before I go, there will be retribution. Those who wronged me are […]
…speak the same language.
But hola there.
And as a shy n’ paranoid beign i am i will hide some of the reasons that brought me here (if u don’t mind)
Today is a rainy day but there is no difference to me ’cause i always bring this grey cloud over me. In fact ,i choosed this nickname because the word ‘luck’ wasn’t a very sudden thing in my life. Not only this, but 8 more to come, one worse than the other.
Dunno anything, i just want to die an maybe get some ice cream : )
Still have hope for a better life?
Don’t want to cause pain to loved ones?
Don’t really want to be dead yet and just exploring the possibility of one’s “exit options”?
Use the thought of suicide just to self-sooth the pain?
Ambivalent about dying?
Lack of courage to commit suicide?
Procrastination on suicide?
Afraid of failing your attempt and ending up in a worse state?
Fear of death/hell/afterlife/God’s judgement?
Or something else?
I’m only here because I’m afraid of failing and ending up in a worse state… There are things far worse than death. For instance, my current life. But it would be much, much worse if I end up with brain injury and in […]
Well, it’s been about two weeks. As with most things in life, I failed to remove myself from it. A week in the hospital and the doctors are still calling it an accidental overdose. I think that they are in denial. How could “someone with so much to live for and so much going on possibly want to kill themselves. It doesn’t add up.” At least, that’s what they’ve been telling themselves. I can go home tomorrow. My kidney’s are recovering though I’ll be on alert the rest of my life, however long or short that is, to make up for the damage caused by […]
The sad truth is that I deserve what has happened to me. I don’t want to be a victim anymore. My life has gotten better and worse since I originally joined SP April of last year. I’ve been in love and then lost it, I’ve made friends and lost them just as easily, and I have felt successful and happy for the first time and then lost it. I use the word lost as if I had any control over the situations, but I didn’t. All of those things were taken from me while I sat and watched. I surrendered before the fight even began. […]
i started cutting the other day… i done it before but this one was worse..
Losing one’s mind can really make you lose your mind. I lost mine, and as though it doesn’t make much sense, because I haven’t found it yet, I feel like I keep losing it.
Like I’m falling an endless hole, like I’m drowning in a bottomless sea. Just when I think it can’t get any worse my inner demons welcome me to a new and improved methods of suffering. I can’t fucking take it anymore.
I make a plan. 3AM. Overdose. Yet every night at 2:59AM I bail. I just go on dying. Oh well.
I gave up the search for my lost mind. They say when things get […]