what’s going on

I can’t shake this feeling. I can’t stop crying and the tantrums keep getting worse. I recently started seeing a doctor, and all I do is cry but I feel relieved talking about my pathetic life to someone who can help me. Now I face something that frightens me, I’m only allowed 8 free sessions because I don’t have insurance. I feel like everyone leaves me, I’m afraid I’ll get comfortable only to lose my doctor. Everyone walks out of my life, I can’t stand people and yet I hate being alone. I don’t know what I want out of life, and I want to go back to the drugs and the needle. I stay clean for my parents, but when they pass what will be left of me, what will I do without the purpose of making them happy. I’ll have no ones impossible expectation to live for. I’m so miserable and I’m tired of these insane thoughts.