Lost Soul

Chased down like a deer during hunting season,
I’ve outran them before.
Having moved to a new town,
to start a new life,
quickly shifted back to the old ways.
With the same rules,
and new means of being bullied.
Their words pierce, stab and cut me.
Battered and bruised my mind is,
thanks to the poison they’ve struck my soul with.
The void in my soul buries deeper each day,
even though I am older now.
I learned to adapt to the pain but, it still hurts me.
Their words return constantly,
reminding me of how worthless I am.
Suicide attempts were an outlet,
because, I had no one.
No friends, and no family to turn to,
when I needed someone most.
I’ve tried to hang myself in the garage,
burning myself with a lighter,
electrocuting myself with the outlet,
cutting my wrists as well.
And yet, I am still here, suffering.
I wish I knew why no one wanted to help someone so broken.
Maybe it’s because, I’d fake my happiness so no one would worry.
I cared for others before myself as much as possible,
I didn’t want anyone to worry about me,
so, I suffered.
As time passed, I still feel that dark void in my heart and soul.
The bleeding feeling,
that I’m losing more of myself in the darkness of despair.
Encased by the eternal pain I have endured since my first memories.
My very first bully, was sadly, my own abusive father and mother.
Besides feeling endless amounts of pain,
I have felt alienated by all.
Are my attempts to end myself justified? I don’t know.
But, I still wish to be no more,
in this world of hatred.