Could someone please talk to me? I haven’t been myself in awhile now and I don’t know what to do. I suffer from a form of depression that destroys my relationships with family and friends. I am sad. Always. I bring people down when I try to talk to them about my sadness. They have family and friends and children and they are happy. Then I come along and tell them how sad I am. They try to entertain me but after awhile they don’t want to hear it. My parents call me selfish when I tell them I’m thinking about suicide. They tell me I’m hurting them. Can they imagine how much I must hurt to think about it?
I lost my best friend to my issues. I have a constant war going on onside me, one of whether I can trust a person or whether or not they are gonna hurt me. It is constant ‘I hate you – Don’t leave me’. To the point where of course they leave, and it’s too late.
Now I’m alone again. I cut myself and I cry. Then I get over it and I’m happy. And then I don’t know why I’m happy and I’m sad again.
I want what everyone wants… marriage, children, happiness. But I’m alone. All the time. And I chase the people I love away. I can’t talk to anyone. I don’t know what to do anymore.
7 comments
It’s fine dude/dudette! The people you love don’t understand, but if you keep caring they might! And as for your parents, the next time they say you’re selfish just respond with “don’t be a ****” 😀 #respect #youreawesome
I know how it feels to be alone in a world where everyone is happy and wanting the same happiness but finding it hard to achieve myself. I keep the thoughts of suicide to myself, but it’s better to talk to someone about it, though it has to be someone who’ll understand, few do as you know yourself. Depression is hard to understand by someone who isn’t suffering it themselves, they’ll listen for a while, but only people who are or have suffered will know what you are going through.
do you have a medium to communicate?
what do you mean by medium to communicate? my ex bf was the only one who would listen but he left me and now he doesn’t ever answer my texts even if I do tell him I’m thinking of suicide. So yeah its like ppl who would listen slowly fade away until suddenly I’m all by myself.
Your story touched me deeply since I can somewhat relate. I am usually not depressed (but last week my girlfriend left me because I was ‘different’ and since then I am severely depressed). My ‘obstacle’ is that I am slightly autisitic. If you like you can talk with me about your sadness, I would even try to carry some for you if that was possible. A week ago my girlfriend broke up with me and since then I am very sad. I had so many dreams too, but since she left me my world fell apart and it feels like I am more dead then alive. And I can also recognize the constant war inside you since I deal with the same issue, it’s like good vs bad and for some unexplainable reason the bad seems to always win and I always end up alone. What I want to say is that you are not alone in this, we are all in the same boat. I hope this helps you a bit. God bless you
Thank you RollingRonnie… it definitely helps to know I’m not the only one.
I think I know exactly how you feel…
” I bring people down when I try to talk to them about my sadness. They have family and friends and children and they are happy. Then I come along and tell them how sad I am. They try to entertain me but after awhile they don’t want to hear it.”
When I try to talk to people who seem willing to listen about my views of life, how I am feeling, what I believe…. people just … float away? Do they just not want to hear it so they can maintain their illusion of happiness that keeps them going? Have people like you and I simply lost that illusion?
I have become afraid to talk to people about myself because I am tired of rejection that seems to go hand in hand with it. This leaves me acting like someone I am not most of the time, pretending all is well, like I’m another carbon copy of everyone else. But I am not. I just want to be who I am around someone, just one person; someone like me who is themselves– their true self.