This is one of the strange feelings I have about suicide. I easily believe that if I die by natural means or accident, I’ll simply perish forever. But if I try suicide I cannot imagine that I’ll be dead, I feel like I’ll survive somehow and end up in a worse situation. Even if I make sure that I do everything right, I cannot imagine that I’ll be able to kill myself. I feel like there is 0% chance of success. I feel immortal somehow.
Science and my logic says that this cannot be the case. If you make sure that you kill yourself, you’ll be dead. But my mind or heart or gut feeling whatever you call it can’t believe that.
Am I just imagining things? Is this feeling just a byproduct of our mind or instincts? Does anybody else feel like it?
It is bad because those unsubstantiated thoughts are absolutely keeping me from doing what is smart and utterly necessary.
10 comments
I think it’s an inherent part of feeling depressed – feeling so convinced that there’s no way to escape it that that thought can even extent to death itself. I’ve heard lots of people talking about being desperate to die but thinking they can’t, thinking they’ll fail. Depression is like a force – once it has you in its grip it seems determined to keep you there.
So you think I’m exaggerating the possibility of failure and I can do it and really disappear? I agree that depression make you think the negative in everything and see possibility of failure everywhere.
It’s just an idea, but I think it’s possible.
The thought of death is so liberating, endless nothingness, total nonexistence of anything and everything. Peace at last. I absolutely loved the time before I was born.
Peace is a wonderful thought. I keep trying to learn to feel peaceful and I can’t believe the depth of the constant state of panic I’m in, even though I haven’t really had any panic attacks for a couple of years. The weird thing is, although sometimes I have disturbing dreams, they’re often completely meaningless and I don’t remember ever being depressed in them, although anxiety comes into them more often. But many of them are completely bland and, from what I can remember, relatively peaceful. So I feel like there has to be a part of the mind where it’s possible to find peace, although I’m not any closer to reaching it.
It is a wonderful thought. I go back in time to my college days, I remember the feeling of freedom and peace of mind. Those were definitely the best times of my life, although many other people wouldn’t see those days as good, I was genuinely happy. Not because what I had in life, but the peace of mind and hope for the future was very high. None of this exists any more, and I yearn for relief and peace.
What scares me is I don’t really remember it anymore. Can I ask, do you think it’s what you have/don’t have that’s made those feelings stop?
It was my worries about losing the things I have that made the peace go away. And at the end I lost those things I had and now I have nothing.
Well I’m still physically healthy, I’ll let you decide about my mental health.
Sorry to hear that, Matel.