how do I love myself?

My depression use to consume me, lately I just get days where ill hide away hopeless and miserable, other days ill feel ok and get on with life depending on how im distracting myself. Sometimes I question if im depressed or mentally ill, I do things people dont ordinarily do and hear voices. Im trying to be more positive for my boyfriend as he’s put up with so much for no reason other than he loves me, I want to change and be what he deserves, but its so hard trying to be happy and stay positive when things are happening to you that you know don’t happen to everyone.. and the only people you hear it happening too are people in white padded rooms. Im scaring myself, I hate the urges I get and voices I can hear. Am I only hearing these voices because im telling myself im that upset though? And giving into these urges because its easier than fighting it? I want to love myself so much i never wanna hurt myself again or put all my problems on my boyfriend who doesnt deserve what i put him through. Its my life, my problems, my issue im so insecure and down. How do you start to love yourself and be happy with who you are and what you look like? One thing I have figured out,  venting my feelings on here is a massive release