I got my answer yesterday

Spent my last $20 of the next to the last paycheck I’ll ever see in my life on food for him and then he got super pissed off at me because we got caught in the rain and got drenched, then I got on the bus while he was in the middle of playing his game but my back was killing me and there were homeless people camped out at the bus stop and wouldn’t let me sit down and I have a disability with my back and I can’t just stand all day because everyone else has a reason why they deserve the seat more. But he’s never been that pissed off at me for all things I feel were both out of my control and not an issue because shit happens and life doesn’t always go as planned but that’s always my fault because I did something wrong to make it all happen. So he’s better off without me and all I do is hold him back. I’m hoping against hope I get my stuff sold this weekend because I’m taking off and I’m going to end up dead come hell or high water. I feel like it’s so much harder to kill yourself without a car due to inaccessibility of places far off where you won’t be found. Also being too poor for a gun means I can’t just get a motel room and blow my brains out like I’d prefer. Quick and easy.  I’ve actually decided drowning might be best because it would be too difficult to get, haul, and build something to decapitate myself with. Being obese as I am, most suicide methods won’t work, it has to be as extreme as complete decapitation, blowing your brains out, or drowning. Those are the only possibilities for an obese person. Just finding a location is extremely difficult without a car. I lost my job, by the way, because the business went under.