my life

  April 30th, 2009 by alexis

im sorry but i really dnt have neone to talk to nemore. since 2001 ive had serious thoughts of suicide. My life really sucks… when i was three my grandfather decided to molest me and then when my elder brother hit puberty he decided to rape and molest me for almost 5 years. i accidentally told the cops and he was arrestted but no one in my family believed me except my mother. everyone else just called me a liar because they didn’t like me as much as they liked him. When i grew into my teenage years my cousins decided to try ‘sstuff’ on me and honestly i don’t know why i let them but being put down all my life by the people who are supposed to love you really hurts your self image. sorry if im ranting but ive never told neone about the whole story of my life. Im 22 now and honestly ive been suppressing all these emotions all this time. When i was younger i decided to put all this in a bottle and never open it up. But on December 20, 2002 my mother overdosed and died in my arms. i was 16 years old. I dnt want to believe that she did that on purpose but i dont know what was going on in her head. She was my last connection to humanity, well that’s how i feel neway. These last 6 years have been hard. There are times when i think i can handle everything but then their are more times when i know i can’t. I am one of 8 kids my mother had and every single one of them have told me how much they hate me and wish i were dead and that to them i was good as dead neway. ive never done nething bad to them i just have opinions and what you have to kno is that my siblings are very thickheaded and stuck up and if you dnt always agree with them then they cut you out of  their lives. well i felt like i had to talk to someone, even if no one cares in my life. i wonder who would miss me????? i can’t think of ne one. I have my whole suicide planned to the tee. no one would be able to stop me. i just dnt know what i have to hold onto in this world nemore. all the love is gone and im empty inside. well thanks for listening to my rants.

Processing your request, Please wait....