just dont know anymore

well im 16 but ive been through a lifetime of hardship and heartache i mean ive been down and out for yars and writng or typing it out helps and ive never had anyone to are to see if that would help i men i truely have wanted to commit suicide and yes ive cut myself and tried pill but i just cant do it because of my fiance i think she cares but she just dousnot understand what ive been through well to start off my dad was a heavy alcoholic and he had an accident when i wa sin 5th grade and then he got addictied to marijuana and heavy pain killers and sedatives but as a child he always beat the fuck out of my mom and me wheni was in 4th we moved up the road to a new house not realy releavent but he actually stared getting better and we got closer then the accident happened he got abusive went to a therapist got better then back to abusive …. etc then one night i belive it was july 2nd we had just got back from my uncles and we had had a great night comes to find out my mother and him had been fighting because she had been tlaking to some redneck fuck she dated when she was on a hiatus from my dad mnd you if anyone reads this he was abusive also and tried to get me in foster care but they had a fight about it an he started getting pissed and kicked down the bathroom door my mother tried to clal the cops my father grabbed the phone and it hit my mother she then pressed charges for assault my grandparents saw the ruckus from next door came and picked me up and through a window i watched my dad get hauled off in a police cruiser and i nevr saw him again throught my 6th grade year i went through custody fights that were fucking pointless then i ended out with my mother again then that summer i went to newyork with my grandparents about a week later i get a phoecall aparently my father had showed back up and and then left and my mother attepmted to hang herself so my grandparents now have full custody then in my 8th grade yueart i get a phonecall that now my father has passed away and that through me into depression about a month after that my mother gets of the hospital and how the fuck dous this happen but she met a guy a married him but besides that id been abandoned onch by her and now she wants to talk to me what a ***** but i gave in and now its the summer before my 11th grade hyear she just abandoned me again my step grandmother is a bithc who cusses me out all the time and blames me for everything and my grandfather dousent give a fklying fuck and noone will help me with my depression and noone will get me nerve pulls or depresants and i just want to fucking die i mean lteraly i didnt ask to be born why should i have to live a luife i dont want well this helped kind of and im srry if the speling is shit i started crying halfway though