I promised not to tell

I see the dishes clatter and fall.
I feel your breath on my face as you scream at me.
You hit my face.
My arms.
My ears.

I taste my salty blood.
At least the ringing in my ears is gone.
I see mother crying
Almost as if she’s begging you to stop.
You swing at me again.
My face to the floor.
How do I explain these bruises?

I won’t tell.
I won’t tell.
I’ll just smile to the wary eyes.
I’ll just wave it off.
No big deal.
No one will know your problem.
I don’t know why I exist
But maybe I’ll live to tell the tale tomorrow.
Maybe, just maybe.

My heart is racing.
If only they knew!
A kiss on the forehead is the greatest honor to give.
But they can’t understand why I run away,
So far away
From love.

I tell them
“Don’t touch me”
They might find out.
But I won’t tell.
I won’t tell.

I’ve been bad again I guess.
I cringe (but what’s the use?)
I can’t see clearly.
My world is spinning.
But I won’t tell them.
I won’t tell.

I know they’re talking
But I can’t hear them.
My ears are useless.
The methods change.
You have a knife today.
Can’t see anymore.
Can’t see.
But I won’t tell.
I won’t tell.

Tonight you come to me in my sleep.
Brothers been reading me the Bible again.
“I forgive you.”
I will whisper as you only hit me harder.
God loves you and so do I.
I’m sorry you won’t listen.
I can’t see you hit me.
I can’t hear you scream.
But I know.
I can feel each blow
And my heart grows heavier
With the pain.
I will not cry.
I will not cry.

My breathing slows.
You’ve taken it farther than you thought.
Maybe now you’ll realize what you’ve done.
The blows stop.
I bleed from everywhere.
Blood pours down in my mouth.
And I don’t have the strength to spit it back out.

I feel mom’s arms around me.
I feel her tears.
I feel her chest vibrate
As she screams at you.
She lunges at you
And I fall back to the pillows

My breathing is coming slower.
My sightless eyes begin to close.
My brother holds me close.
I feel his warm tears.
“I love you.”
I try to say.
I don’t know if he heard it.
But don’t worry daddy.
I won’t tell.
I won’t tell.