Hello,
I’m new here and just want to get some things off of my chest. I am so exhausted, I don’t know what to do anymore. All I think about is death. I know I am to weak to do it myself, but sometimes I wish it would happen in different ways. I have asked my husband for help and he acts like there is nothing wrong. Isn’t it bad to constantly think about death and how happy everyone else would be if I were gone? I know the only reason I am to scared to take action myself is because I have 3 children that no one can care for them the way I do. But I even feel like I am failing at that because I am so upset all the time that it is impossible for me to have fun with them.
I have moments that I am fine, for a few week or even months, but then all of the sudden either it’s out of the blue or something triggers it that all I can think of is me being 6 feet under. I’m so scared to talk to anyone about it because I don’t want them to think I am crazy. So I confided in my husband and he says absolutely nothing to help me, it makes me feel as if he wishes I were dead too… I hate feeling like this I know that something is wrong, but what is a person to do? Maybe stop being a ***** and end it, that way at least these feelings are gone…
Thanks,
Jen
9 comments
Welcome jen. the good news is that uve now got a fuk load of people to talk to who will listen nd support u. i know how u feel about being finr then just spiraling down to a place so dark that nothing will seem to help, it happens with exhausting frequency. Ur husband doesnt want u dead he just doesnt know how to help, nd u need to stay for ur kids. i recomend seeing someone for drugs or something cause its the only way to keep ur moods stable.
We are here for u, stay strong.
you need to identify the causes of your feelings and the triggers that make you feel that way- while it may seem the easy option it is not victimless and will put relatives and friends in pain to understand why they couldn’t help
Also while society has twisted values ad it may seem impossible there are people who do care- speak to these groups and they can help you decide how to resolve your feelings and hopefully without taking tablets.
Hello Jen & Welcome,
Can i suggest go see someone about your thoughts & how you feel/ Woman often can suffer hormane imbalances after giving birth and may be something very treatable together with talking thru ur issues with a trained person but also someone you like.
Just because he is your husband, doesnt mean he is trained or skilled enough to help you. Would you ask your husband to fix a plane or car or computer, if he didnt have the skills?
Talking is important, but many are a bit closed, just understand this, but def try get some good help okay?
Thank you guys, I know he can’t help me really, but I feel like maybe he could just show me he cares a bit. I know I need to see a therapist or something but at the same time I’m scared. What if they want to send me to a psych ward or something? I can’t leave my kids. I won’t leave my kids…And I did just give birth 3 months ago, and honestly it does seem as if these feelings are worse now. I have always dealt with this horrible feeling every so often, but it seems like since I had my baby the feeling doesn’t really go away, I mean I have better days sometimes, but the depression (I guess is what it is) never really goes away. Thank you for your support… I will seek some kind of help and hope for the best.
Hi Jen. Sucks that you are going through this. I’m sort of in the same boat expect my feeling down really never goes away but for maybe an hour or so. I told my mom that I just wanted to die and she said “What?”. That was the end of the conversation. Procel was right….your husband doesn’t know what to say. And there are tons and tons of people here that may not have the right words to say but they understand and you can know that you won’t be alone.
Jen, don’t hope for the best, work for the best, hope only goes so far, you gotta “grab on to your chest hairs” like my late grandad would say, and fight for it. Collect the tools that therapists and doctors and medicine can give you, use them, explore them. Treatment doesn’t happen to you, you bring it upon yourself, is what I learned.
Also, they won’t take you to a psych ward, you’re not crazy, shockingly enough, there are more people who have these thoughts than the ones who don’t. Some of them do it in silence, but you’ve decided to talk and seek help. That shows a level of control. Hold on to it Jen, we are all with you in this.
I don’t know how your relationship is with your hubby – but that’s a pretty big bomb to drop on someone who probably has no exposure to mental adversity. He is probably burying his head in the sand hoping the “issue” will go away. You might consider going to your regular family Doctor and mentioning that you feel depressed and have been having dark thoughts – and asking for a recommendation for someone to see – I’d think you wouldn’t want to ‘oversell” it so he doesn’t think you’re out of control and a potential danger to your kids but enough to make him understand you need guidance.
good luck jen
helper dawg
Hey that’s a good call Dawg. “Don’t oversell it”. I might take that advice myself. Thanks. Didn’t think about going to the family doc.
agree with dawg …. it is likely you have something simple as post natal depression, very common after birth. its often a simple hormon replacement therapy …
you are very normal …. dont think otherwise okay.