I don’t really feel my emotions any more. I know that they’re there, but my mind just doesn’t seem to process them the way that it should. For example, when I watch the news, and there’s a story about somebody that was murdered, I realise that I should feel something. I should feel anger toward the person that commited the murder. I should feel pity for the victim and his/her loved ones. But I don’t feel anything. On the opposite end of the spectrum, if I’m hanging out with friends, if something happens that makes everyone laugh, I am always the last to join in, because it takes my mind a moment to realise what’s happening and how I should react. I am basically mimicking those around me in an attempt to show some sort of emotion…. because if I don’t I’m scared that I’ll have to admit I’m even more messed up than I previously thought.
I only smile when other people smile. I very rarely cry (really only when I have my little panic attacks). I don’t even get angry. You could stand in front of me and yell, belittle my efforts, and insult every single belief I’ve ever had and I probably wouldn’t even bat an eye.
I volunteer with several organizations on a regular basis, and I use to get so much joy out of helping people, out of doing good… but now I’m just sort of going through the motions. I continue doing it because it’s a part of my routine. And I think, subconsciously, I keep doing it with the hope that maybe I’ll actually smile for real for once.
Even the sadness and overall feeling of hollowness from my depression has kind of faded into the background.
Am I crazy?
3 comments
No.
I have times when I’m like that but they never last. Maybe yours won’t either. I tend to think of it as if I’ve overloaded my emotions – I’ve felt too much and my mind/feelings have shut down to protect me. When you’re ready, you’ll feel again. In the meantime, enjoy the rest it gives you (and yes, hide it from others – most people don’t understand). I hope that helps.
I’m pretty emotionless too these days…it may seem selfish but I look out for me..I’m pretty much only able to do that. I practice good feeling thoughts, and I practice loving and appreciating myself unconditionally. That in and of itself has been of the most benefit for me. As far as a normal human experience, that exited stage left a loooooooonnng time ago! It’s all good. Refrain from judging it, all you can do is observe really…weird I know, but it keeps you from taking it personally or freaking out too much.
Not crazy at all.
Just emotionally drained to the point that it is easier on you to not feel much of anything.
As Im Fine said maybe emotion will come back for you.
And the world itself can desensitize you.
Positive and negative become so rote that nothing is special anymore.
There is no more wonder as there was when many of us were young children.
Or old people whose mental deterioration and fading life give them a perspective of holding on to the wonder.