They dont know how badly i want to die. I’m suffocating. Every day is a battle. I think about how easy it is for me to just overdose or cut to deep. dont want to feel pain anymore.I dont want to be stuck here. I can’t do this anymore. I just want someone to notive how much I’m hurting. It hurts so deeply its a struggle to breathe.i cut to take away the pain for awhile. But when it’s this bad i cant do anything. I’m a basket case. I hate it here. I just want to be free of myself. I am going to hurt so many people but i dont know what else to do. Suicide is such a beautiful thing. It’s so calming and just an amazing thought. i wish people could see that im serious about wanting to die. but everyone thinks im saying it for attention. but i’m not. i just want to be free of the body im trapped in. snow means life and death. it’d be so nice to die during the winter being able to watch the snow fall down silently as you take your last breathes. even my best friend doesnt try to help me. i feel so alone at times its suffocating. the lonelyness is eating away at me. and i cant take it. i wish i could just escape. the slightest things trigger me into a suicidal self harming frenzy. it scares me so much. i hate who i’ve become. i hate being me. i now know why everyone hates me. i wish i was someone else. i want to start overand become someone else that isnt an entire fuck up. im a disgrace to my family and friends. tey say they still love me but i know they cant stand me and my ugly ways. my cousins make me feel like shit for cutting. i’ve tried to overcome my demons but i lost. they won. the voices in my head are screaming at me and saying im a failure and that i deserve to die. and they’re right, i do deserve to die. im worthless. im nothing. i am always numb and lethargic. If i kill myself no one would care, i dont want them to care. i just wantthem to hurt like i hurt. a deep trobbing pain.
2 comments
I have to be honest, it’s tough to read someone putting the hurt on themselves. A drunk is not a fuck up, nor is what we call a bum. And for certain you are not however if you believe it, then it’s true for you.
If you’re in that much pain, then you need to make a choice. But why add all the commentary about how much you hate yourself. That’s just you justifying yourself your reasons in light of a difficult situation. 155 000 people die every day. And every one of them is a suicide in the sense that that person or soul chose to exit their body as they had all they could take. See it for what it is…it’s tough I know, I’m there too…but if you’re going to, inject some love into yourself without rationalizing. It’ll allow you to feel better. Everyone has to make their own choices and many people have a rough go of it. So especially go easy on yourself. It’s not your fault, and you’re not judged unless you continue to put the hurt on you. Take care.
been here not the same issue but hating who u have become I am famous for it. lol
i think i have a patent on it…….the self pity i had, the negativeness the demons that wanted to choke my life and tell me it was worthless. When life is giftbut your mind tells you something else and one day I stopped listening. now i stlll battle alot and yes my family has shame for me and hated what I did. yes I will answer for what ever it is I did to whomever with my emotional ocean drowning me. It sucked everyone in it like a vaccum. I had counsel, I had to accept who i had become i was not that great person i had been. i am remarried now I have a life. Its not easy someday but I have meds that have helped alot. There are days i did not want to wake up, however I did. I had too I got sick of the self pity and wanting to not live that I began too. I got dressed and I went to a park, I walked, I talked to starnger that did not judge me. Then I decided that felt good and went on from there. here i am alive and well.I still have my days and I have my battle where i cry and think about my past, but for most part I have put her away and I am the new me. I moved so I could start new and I go home to visit there are those that look at me and see the old me . But time , meds and counseling can do alot. try it….. eek