I have no clue what I’m doing or how i found this webpage… I just attempted suicide today and I didn’t even realize it… I’m just gunna vent and rant about my life story now…Keep scrolling if you don’t care…which you probably don’t…
Ok…so I’ve been cutting myself for two years. On December 8th, 2011 I cut myself at school and got caught (I know I’m stupid for doing that but I really had to…) And in 2 hours…I was ripped away from everything I knew and put in a mental institute 2 hours away from where I live. I attempted suicide while I was there. I didn’t want to have to live through that. When I got out, I felt motivated to stop. I gave a speech to a small group in my community about my life story and how suicide and cutting it bad and how to prevent it. I wanted to change that and move people. Bu 34 days after I got out…I broke. I never stopped cutting and I don’t think I will. My story hasn’t ended yet…This morning I had 111 scars…(Only on my wrist…I have no clue how many I have all over my body…) And now…I have 136…I cut myself 27 times if you don’t want to do the math…I had a reason for it…but its a reason I can’t recall. I look at my wrist and I can remember every reason for every time. But when I’m caught in the moment..I’m just lost. I was on the floor and i couldn’t stop bleeding…I thought it was normal and I thought it was okay. Then my boyfriend called… **No. This isn’t some sappy love story. This is just what happened** I told him what happened and he pretty much saved my life…I wasn’t afraid to die. In fact…I was ready to die. I didn’t mean for it to go that far..but it did anyway…He told me I needed to put pressure on my arm and all that kind of stuff to live…It took hours but I finally got back on my feet. I would probably be dead instead of typing if he didn’t call…yet I still feel like cutting more and more… Whats wrong with me? I’m so lost and confused…