a year ago from today i was actually immensely happy. work was going well for me, had a great girl in my life who i had the best bond in the world with.
months later, all of that would be gone. the girl still comes and goes but she’s made it clear she’s moved on and that i need to accept it or go away.
i just want to find somebody to bond with. just one and i promise to god i won’t ask for anything ever again. i always hear “things get better”.. ok when? i’m already in my mid 30s.. still waiting for when life gets better. can i get at least a couple good years in before i’m 40?
life and the world are amazing places but my inability to bond with people brings me down. i’m still alone. forever. it’s hell. day after day in this room. mustering up the courage to go out only to be ignored. making me just want to go home again. spending hours in bed turns into days, weeks, months, a year.
such is my life. dying to find a connection in this world. finding one for the first time in my life, then being kicked to the curb without cause or explanation.
please world stop shitting on me.
5 comments
Saying “things get better” is very accurate for a situation like yours. But so is to say “things get worse” when you’re feeling really happy. Things keep changing non-stop until, well, ultimate entropy. And that’s gonna take a while. Don’t focus so much on your age, be assertive about what you want.
I was half awake for about 3 years. I wasn’t posting on sites like this or even wondering if there was something wrong. You’re way ahead. Just persist. I know it’s hard, but persist. You’ll know when you’re really out of tries. You’ll either be dead or suicide will be a crisp clear choice. Not even a choice. It will be all you’ll see, like me right now.
If you’ve had it once, you can have it again. It’s certainly rare, but now you can recognize it. I won’t tell you to have hope, you have to create the moment you want. You are the designer of your life. I am of mine too, and I was quite content with most of it, but I made an absurd choice, so now I’m about to exit. It sucks right now, but I’m okay with most of my decisions. Live happily while you’re alive. If it really goes to shit, you won’t hesitate.
e-mail me, I have something to ask you.
cbeatlse@yahoo.com
contentwithoblivion- I sent you a message
Qwerty- I’m not sure if things truly get better or if it’s a mean illusion crafted to build me up just to bring me down again. This time is particularly painful because everything felt so right. All I’ve ever wanted was to find my place in the world, and I would’ve bet the house I finally found it. The lofty visions I had dreamt of for years were now a reality. The stars aligned. I was in a state of pure bliss. Then almost overnight without cause, yanked away from me.
I relate to this song.. http://youtu.be/YM1e16nqHLo
I keep coming to this cycle of thoughts..
1) I should just jump from my building
2) If I’m ready to die, I should live like I just don’t give a fuck and party it up
3) Yeah that’s a good idea
4) Do something bold, but life largely stays the same
5) Back to #1
I’m back at step #2. Today was an average day but I feel like life hit me upside the head with a brick today and everything is making sense, sort of.
Live boldly!