The first time i was 8 years old and my dad had just left me and my mum after battling cancer. Mum wasn’t good, Dad was gone, Nanny and Granada were in Spain, my friends didn’t want to know. What stopped me? My mum caught me and took me to a therapist.
The Second time it was my 9th birthday. It was the last day i ever spook to my dad. He texted me to say that he was gonna have a son and that i was nothing to me. On my birthday. That time my now ex-best friend found me and begged me not to.
The third time i was 10 and was getting bullied in school because i liked (and still do) different kinds of music, wore black, was the kid who’s dad left. My ex-best friend spread rumors and told everyone about me almost killing myself. They pushed my too far. That time a teacher caught me in the bathroom and told my mum who sent me back to the therapist.
The fourth time i was 11 and it was my dads birthday. I had sent him a card and got a letter back saying to F**k off. That day the kids in school started the physical abuse. That time no one caught me, i didn’t cut deep enough.
The 5th time i was 12 and found out my Nanny had cancer. All i could thing about was cancer. And it was my first day in High School. Those kids had me labeled as a loner,emo, weirdo, and so many other things before i had even said one word. That time the principle off my school caught me in what i though was an abandoned class room. He made me see 2 counselors in school plus my therapist and i was put on anti-depressant pills.
The the 6th time i was 3 weeks after the 5th time the kids in my high school had beat me up and then i found out my Granada had a heart problem and was dieing. All could think about was hoe everyone i love seems to die. That time no one caught me in time but one of the kids in m school found me just after i had blacked out and i woke up in a hospital
The 7th time was during the summer. My mum was sick but we didn’t know what with. None of the family knew. Mum couldn’t do anything for herself so i was a 12 year old full time career. But it got too much for me and that time no on found me, but like once before it wasn’t that deep.
The 8th time was when i was told it was cancer my mum had and she was being took into hospital and i was sent to stay with my Granada(who has a heart problem) and my Nanny (Bed ridden with Bone cancer). I couldn’t handle it Cancer was the only word going through my brain and when i think of cancer i think of death.My Granada  found me bleeding but believed the lie.
The 9th time was when the cancer killed my mummy. Everyone was at Nanny and Granada’s house. All they cared about was how Nanny was. She was My MUM, but they didn’t care about me. they didn’t even know mum. That time my Uncle found me and the cuts were very bad and i was kept in hospital for a while.
The 9th time was only 3 months ago. I’m still tempted at times but my family stops me, the anti-depressants help, but my friends ad the fact mum would be disappointed in me are the main things that stop me.
2 comments
I’m glad there are things stopping you now… Your friends and your mum are important to you and that’s really good. Maybe you can spend some time thinking about what you like to do… how you can do it… who can help you do it… and make a path to move forward. Hopefully, you’ll find success there. A big part of me thinks there is a reason you’re still alive… and it would be incredible for you to use this as an oppotunity to move forward. I’m glad and thankful that you’re still alive.
Your still here because your stronger than you think you are. Give yourself credit kid, you have been through alot, and because your different people are going to single you out, its only because they dont understand you, its not personal ,its what teens do, they attack whats different.
Be sure to spend lot of time with your family and friends, you have lost alot and you need to feel loved again.
You can always come here if you feel sad or loney, we will always be here for you, and you for us.
Peace 🙂