My life

I’ve gotten a request or two for my story so here it goes. I was born into a fading family. My dad bailed n left my mom, leaving her with a 4 year old son and me, an unborn child. She decided she couldn’t care for both of us, so she gave me to my adoptive parents. They’re possibly two of the worst people on the planet. From age one, they imposed their wills on me. They hovered around me constantly and everything I did had to be approved. My dad liked to “play fight” and manipulate my joints to cause pain. He threw me against the corner of the walls once.When I was 10 I got raped by my best friend. My “family” has been plagued with deaths and accidents. 3 of my cousins, all my grandparents, many of my friends, all dead from drugs or accidents. When I was in 7th grade, I was well over 190 lbs, antisocial, basically an outcast. I was going through some disease no one ever figured out and I started losing weight like crazy. I couldn’t eat for 2 months without vomiting or having searing pain in my abdomen. I lost 50 lbs and I was about to start losing muscle instead of fat. I was in constant agony, and hardly anyone noticed. I was going to end it, when I asked a girl to the end of the year (in my case end of my life) dance. She said yes, and a month later, we fell in “love”. She said shed do anything for me and I would have died for her. My dog dies, my mom gets diagnosed with cancer, and on the day of her surgery, she broke up with me because she had been lying to her parents the whole time and was disobeying god by doing so. I’ve been suicidal since then, and things keep getting worse. I started doing drugs and smoking and drinking. I started cutting. I tried to kill myself 3 times. I see myself as this ugly horrible monster who deserves to die. my dad told me he doesn’t care about me or my instruments, and that his comfort comes before both of them. my mom is just a birch who contradicts herself within the context of the same sentence. They both expect me to be perfect and to stop being a problem. Everything I say is wrong. Everthibg I do isn’t good enough. I went to the mental hospital and I got told that they would try to change. They changed. For a week. Now they’re straight back to their racist douchebag old ways and I’m back to being suicidal. I’m about to fail out of high school. I’m 16 and I’ve been inches from death.