My mom and I just got in another fight. It’s always about stupid stuff. I just can’t do this anymore. She treats me like such a child and all I want to do is leave but, not enough money..
Between my parents, school, and just feeling awful in general all I want to do is just slice my arms up til I can’t feel anymore. But I work the weekend and I don’t want anyone to see them. I know it’s bad and I know I shouldni’t do it, but cuttings the only thing that helps anymore. For even just a little bit it makes me so calm and stops me from thinking about driving into rivers and “accidentally” taking too many pills..but then I feel bad for cutting..and so it begins again.
I’m just sick of it. I always feel bad for feeling so sad because I feel like my little problems are nothing compared to what other people are going through, and those people aren’t cutting themselves and thinking about suicide, but I can’t help it. Sometimes I can convince myself that everything’s okay, and that maybe if I just all of a sudden think I’ll be happy, it’ll work. but it doesn’t.
oh well.
2 comments
Hey Nowhere,
Like hearing it from your mom wasn’t enough…lol….would you like another round with another mom? Your problems are nothing…compared to most…but what you do with them?…that is another story. You just don’t have any control of your own thoughts…and part of you doesn’t want to. It’s called scared. If you want to quit buying coffee and start buying cola….easy eh?…you changed or controlled your thoughts. But emotions are fueled by thoughts…and they are very difficult to control. So the answer is to control your thoughts…and keep trying to control your emotions. Your mother has forgotten more than you even know yet…this is called wisdom…and it comes with years…give yourself the years…don’t expect to be wise before you fail a few times…be patient with yourself. You may not have control of your emotions…but you can control what you do with them…just tell yourself that hurting yourself is stupid…and not getting you what you want…just causing another problem you can’t deal with….so for you “Cutting is not something you are ever gonna do again…it is stupid”…then convince yourself.
In the end….what would you think or do differently if someone told you you were gonna die in the next year? What would you do if someone tried to take your life from you? Do you know? Why wait to find out how much you value your own life? Why not live it. My 30 year old son has had a tortured life…but keeps fighting..even with me…especially with me…so it should be interesting to see what happens next…mothers hate to be right…but my son has been diagnosed with melanoma that has spread to the lungs and brain…soooooo…why wait until you have no choice like my son did? Why not choose life now?
No Pollyanna here….life sucks 90% of the time…but the other 10% makes it all worthwhile….stick around…you have a lot to learn….about you…and how perfect you are…life is a journey….not a moment….and quit listening to depressing music and reading depressing shit….lol…and good luck.
Blessed Be
Amakua
You have literally taken the words out of my mouth!
I literally feel the EXACT same way as you… no joke!
Life is so shit! and theres nothing i can say to make things any better, but know that i am here if you ever want to chat or have a rant! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx stay strong xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx