No need for a name, therefore, my name will me Anonymous. I’m a 17 year old female who tries to hide away most of her emotion. I was diagnosed with depression, PTSD, mild OCD, insomnia, and possible BPD. My life is a nightmare most days. After my initial hospitalization, i started treatment, and for the most part it helped a lot. But lately, I’ve loss interest in school, isolated myself a lot, and am becoming increasingly more impulsive (I went out one day and just got a tattoo, on my wrist. So much for ever being a professional.) I have attempted suicide 5 times in the past, only one of those was even closely successful, but i can get ahold of the perscribtion anymore since it used to be my sleep aid. I just want peace, medications do not help me only make me numb, and i hate that worse. I’ll never be able to handle the stress of adulthood, I have anxiety attacks over tests in school. I know they say suicide is selfish, bust i want to be happy again, like i was when i was little. Before all my mental disorders controlled my life… I’d do anything to find peace now, anything at all.
Sincerely,
Anonymous
23 comments
You seem to be in the mind set of your emotions being in control. Change your thinking so you can return to you earlier happiness. My question is why is your life a nightmare? Switch meds if they make you numb…they shouldn’t be doing that.
Hello Anonymous. If you don’t like the way the med makes you feel see if you stop taking it. Try and let people see your emotion. Just do it little by little. A smile here a frown there. Try the treatment again since it helped the most. Find something that your interested in. Do you have any hobbies? Step out of your box but still think about what your doing so not to tempt yourself to be impulsive. If you feel your being impulsive stop and really think about what your doing. If you think the tattoo will make people think your unprofessional cover it up with makeup. Start doing some things you use to do. I know you can. Fierce Love<3
I’ve tried so many medicines, its not really me emotions but me, i’ve just lost hope in my future. I dont see what worth it anymore. I would love nothing more than to just leave peacefully.
My life is a nightmare because i rarely sleep anymore, when i do sleep its not long because my PTSD causes terrible night terrors. And every night i’m stuck reliving the pain of rape, over and over again. I have no friends because i can’t keep people close, and everything that used to interest me, just bores me now.
Can you imagine any conditions under which you could find peace in life, or…?
And do you have an outlet for your pain? The spontenaiety sounds to me like you’re venting.
I don’t think the tattoo will be much of a problem. Everyone has them these days. Anyway, maybe you’d feel better in a less formal working environment.
Cyberhugs
The ‘peace’ I am considering would be death.. It excites me and gives me hope, and something to look forward too.
Tattoo’s are cool. I’ve tried all of the medications too. As you get older you learn techniques to help you cope. Observing a routine can help. Also don’t invite situations that could exacerbate it.
Know the feeling…
Keep looking for things to make your life worth while. Talk to a therapist about your nightmares. They can help a lot.
everybody just wants to be happy. I wish u the best, but I too have tried medication for depression and anti psychotics, but the side affects were too weird so I just stopped taking them. medication is not for everyone I hope your parents or your guardian will see other methods of help.
Side/foot note: not trying to be mean but if you seriously did tried committing suicide 5 times in the past with only 1 coming remotely close to being successful I think you’re just not trying hard enough. regardless of the method.
I probably wasn’t trying hard enough a lot of them were close but because being so young i am very resilient, I did a few petty attempts that were to try and get help because my parents weren’t listening when i told them how depressed i really was, a few of my ‘attempts’ were supposed to be parental wake up calls.
@LostForgottenSoul
How many is so many? :/
Well welcome to the site…if you ever need someone to talk to at night we’re here. We’re always here… (: Oh and you don’t have friends cuz you can’t keep them close? Challenge accepted, hello new friend.
Sometimes parents don’t want to accept that their child isn’t perfect so they don’t listen well. AtTheEnd is right… Hello new friend 🙂
thank you guys… I just hope things get better before i decide the final step.
Yep, we’re always here. I prefer not to think of myself as a social reject but more a crusader who has abandoned the outside world to live in a website with people just like me.
Its always nice to talk to people who understand. If you ever need to talk here’s my e mail siana_Campbell@Yahoo.com
Cries for help. I see.
Again I truly do wish and hope you find happiness sooner than later. You are too precious to be lost
@ Duke: lol @ “live in a website” XD I feel you on that one.
@ LFS: Hope you find a peaceful way of living and of outliving your demons.
Yay guys we all made a new friend :3
And trust me LFS (Lost Forgotten Soul)
nights are the worst for me…despite all
the meds and friends on here..but they
really do make it bearable if not pleasant
Ya to news friends!!!
Oooooh a new friend! Hai new friend! Oh i wish i could pick you up in a big hug and tell you everything will be ok, ooh LFS i wish i could be you personal cheerleader, cheering you along during your darker days
@crimson you have enough enthusiasm for all of us 🙂
Newbie you qot so muchk love for your first post!I hate that about medication to,Instead of It numbinq you,I wish I’d qive you a hiqh.(like It’s suppose to haha)One day I woke not knowinq what was qonna happen,at the end of the niqht I had my area-code on my palm,Thats calle dthe job killer tattoo and I qot another one on the other palm,I’m screwed when It comes to qettinq a job haha.
I mean at least my tattoo is just believe on my left wrist which is the one i self harm on, i got it to hopefully stop me from self harming… hoping it works…