why am I here?

I silently slip out of bed and turn on the light, I creep over to the bench and grab my lighter and pack of cigarettes and shove them into my pocket. I walk over to my bedroom window and slide it open, the cold mist outside creeps It’s way inside sending a chill down my back. I look up into the night sky and wonder what time it is. I open the door of my room and close it quietly hoping my mum dosn’t wake up. I  walk down the creaking old stairs. Downstairs I go into the dining room and look up at the clock, It read 3:05 AM. I left the room and went to the front door and opened it slowly, slipped outside and closed it without making a sound. I inhale a fresh breath of air and gaze at the beautiful night sky. I walk down the driveway and turn towards the local shops in the distance, As I’m walking i hear the soft hum of cars in the distance. I eventualy made it to the shops and sat at a table outside the coffee shop. All around me there was not a single person in sight. I reached into my pockets and slid out my pack of cigarettes and lighter. I opend the pack and pulled out a cigarette and put the pack into my pocket, then i put the cigarette into my mouth and lit it up. I inhaled to smoke and blew it out into a stream. I thought to myself that what am I doing here? in life…. I’m a failure at school, I smoke and drink, hell I’m only 15 years old! What am i even doing here at 3:00 in the morning? I should know it’s dangerous on the streets at this time of night. I thought about the time when my parents split up. My dad abusing me when i was little and when was the last time i was happy? I just don’t know. I inhaled the smoke from the cigarette and blew it out whilst looking down at the ground. Mum would probarly be better off without me…  i mean no one likes a failure and all i will just add extra stress onto my mum after all Looking after 3 teenagers while divorced and no job is hard… expecialy if your 17 year old son is a drug addict. Whats the point of living? I’m probarly better off dead…. I should vanish in the night and never go back home but I know theres no where to sleep on the streets here. I put out the cigarette and walk back towards the way of home. I thought to myself what could happen tommorow. Who knows? I could get hit by a car end all my suffering or I could become happy again…. who knows….

thanks for reading, this is based on what i do every night and i am 15 so if this is bad grammar and spelling it’s because im not the smartest 15 year old. thanks again for reading