Just Let Me Disappear, Never To Be Found

About seven or eight year ago I moved to the UK with my grand mum. She’s great. The best I could have. Unfortunately I can’t say the same about my mum. Don’t get me wrong, I love her too, but there’s certain things about her I can’t forgive. One is the fact that she’d rather be a WOMAN than a MUM. It sounds quite strange doesn’t it? What I mean to say is that she’d rather be with her partner than with her children. It’s not AS horrible as it sounds, but it is rather bad. My mum and my brothers, they stayed back at Mexico. At that time my mum already had her partner (boyfriend…) whom we all greatly disliked. He was (and still is) and arrogant bastard. That’s a nice way of describing him. A month or two before my grand mum and I moved to the UK, the bastard started doing things. He’d touch my legs, my backside, even my breasts. I never told anyone. What’s more, he’d done it in front of her. But I guess she was blinded by her ‘love’ for him. Every summer we go to Mexico and he keeps doing it. I’ve warned him and pushed him off a coupe of times. That’s not the worse thing though, not for me really. What’s worse is that he hits my bothers and still my mum doesn’t want to do anything about because ‘he’s her partner and as such has a right to’. I’ve told her about all of this and she won’t even respond to me. Quite frankly, I’ve grown so very tired of it. My second problem is that, I hate myself. The way I look, The way I speak, the way I AM. All these problems are just all coming down on me and I feel like I can’t handle it anymore. I’ve cut, and it makes me feel better, but sometimes It feels like I’ll go further than that. And It scares me because I’d like it.