So lonely but apparently having emotions is wrong is since I am a guy. It’s really just depressing how the world looks at my situation. Basically I’m a wuss for crying even though I have perfectly good reason to.  Wanting to hug and kiss someone makes me needy although isn’t that one of the key thing man walks the Earth? To find love and acceptance? I was put in a crisis center aka mental hospital for people my age and you would think I would hate being there. If I can tell you this I love being in there. Sure the beds are hard to sleep on but that is a small price to pay for feeling loved and accepted in the world.  People treat me like I am a person and not some sort of weirdo or monster. I want to lose weight; 40 pounds to be exact. I wish I could just live in a mental hospital far away from society. I hate the disrespect I am given and would rather withdraw from society then to embrace it like other people do.  I remember wanting to stab someone and a Spanish girl says “If you stab him your going to jail.” ANYWHERE is better then here. At least in jail I EXPECT to be treated unfairly rather then being caught off guard here. I already have a plan. If I ever go to jail I will hang myself the 1st day I am behind bars. No one is going to abuse me any more.  I honestly have no remorse and no care about what I will or will not do in the future. If I ever do kill myself I want to do it in a way that I know I am dead. If I do it I will shoot myself  in the back of the head while standing on edge of a chair with a rope around my neck. If the bullet doesn’t kill me the fall will. I want to get better but I just can’t muster up the strength anymore.  When I go back to school I will be showing everyone my aggressive side.  No more Mr. Gentleman like I was doing hoping it would land me some friends. I am just sick of the results I get from doing nice things.
This song pretty much describes me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8WaqXW197Q
4 comments
Society is fucked. We are in the same position except i am a girl so its sorta different. Right for a start everyone is entitled to there emotions! It does not matter if your a boy and if you cry, scream, hug, kiss, shout it does not matter because everyones human and everyone has emotions and honestly the boys who hide there emotions they are the real wusses okay! Also don’t be aggressive be assertive, still be the nice you but don’t let people walk all over you! I do what you do I withdraw myself from people too, maybe i could try and help you somehow i don’t know i just want to somehow we could talk about things if you want feel free to email me! if you dont then its apsolutely fine. ceryslovell@rocketmail.com or skype ceeerysxo I just want to know your not alone and there are people who can support you and you can do it! You can beat all theese feelings, you take control, dont let them control you xx
Ok that would be fine. My skype is DerekTheVExtreme
You are not a monster or any less of a man for having feelings and not being afraid of them. We are a scared species and anything out of the ordinary we push away so we don’t get hurt and are accepted. It is horrible but there are definitly people out there, especially outside of highschool, who will accept you for who you are.
You’re all good. softoul9 is my id if you are up to a chat. You are not defined by society. Make choices about how good you want to feel…own your decisions from a logical place cause being emotional can be difficult, the mind does not understand emotions…so make reasonable choices about your own well being and that will keep you in charge and free from concerning about people who will never live in your shoes..Good luck!