So lonely but apparently having emotions is wrong is since I am a guy. It’s really just depressing how the world looks at my situation. Basically I’m a wuss for crying even though I have perfectly good reason to. Â Wanting to hug and kiss someone makes me needy although isn’t that one of the key thing man walks the Earth? To find love and acceptance? I was put in a crisis center aka mental hospital for people my age and you would think I would hate being there. If I can tell you this I love being in there. Sure the beds are hard to sleep on but that is a small price to pay for feeling loved and accepted in the world. Â People treat me like I am a person and not some sort of weirdo or monster. I want to lose weight; 40 pounds to be exact. I wish I could just live in a mental hospital far away from society. I hate the disrespect I am given and would ratherÂ withdrawÂ from society then to embrace it like other people do. Â I remember wanting to stab someone and aÂ SpanishÂ girl says “If you stab him your going to jail.” ANYWHERE is better then here. At least in jail I EXPECT to be treated unfairly rather then being caught off guard here. I already have a plan. If I ever go to jail I will hang myself the 1st day I am behind bars. No one is going to abuse me any more. Â I honestly have no remorse and no care about what I will or will not do in the future.Â If I ever do kill myself I want to do it in a way that I know I am dead. If I do it I will shoot myself Â in the back of the head while standing on edge of a chair with a rope around my neck. If the bullet doesn’t kill me the fall will. I want to get better but I just can’t muster up the strength anymore. Â When I go back to school I will be showing everyone my aggressive side. Â No more Mr. Gentleman like I was doing hoping it would land me some friends. I am just sick of the results I get from doing nice things.
This song pretty much describes me