I just want to cut.

I made a fool of myself last night again. Well, maybe not. Anyway, my best friend was in town and the past 4 or 5 times hes been here I haven’t been able to hang out with him. I was always pretty upset about it, anyway. I finally seen him and went to a little party with him and got reaaaaaally drunk. Tequila. Fucked me right up. And I thought I could handle it this time. Iv’e been truly happy lately. But not last night. I went outside to have a smoke and found a spot where I was alone and my friend followed. I asked him if he’s ever sad. Like really sad. and he said yes, and I started crying and we had this huge talk.. I told him all about myself.. My cutting and about my suicidal thoughts. How two weeks ago I was going to end my life. He knows what it’s like.. I basically just sat there and cried. Iv’e never said any of that stuff out loud.. It felt good to let it all out. But at the same time I feel so fucking stupid. Urh, I’m debating on weather or not I should just go ahead and say fuck you three and a halfish weeks, I need to cut. Im lost again. :l at least for today..