Hi my name is Kim and I am 15. You’re probably going to think I’m just another overly dramatic high school girl. Im not I have been through more shit than people should have to go through by the time they are 15. My dad died when I was 11 but my suffering started earlier in life. My dad drank a lot and when he did he would physically abuse me but when I turned 9 he didn’t drink as often but I’m left with mental scarring and get scared if someone raises a hand near me. He got leukemia when I was 10 and died a year later. After than I was bullied in middle school for reasons from my appearance to my sexuality to my religious beliefs. Im a bisexual, moral nihilist. Awhile later it died down but I had already started cutting myself when I was in 7th grade and I went to the hospital once for cutting deep trying to end it. I have developed an eating disorder from stress and not knowing my will to live. My mom has always favored my sister over me and neglects to know I am here mostly and tries to have me live up to my sisters academic standards which puts me under so much stress. I have always been alone and independent most of my life I have a job to pay for all my stuff and I cry when someone praises me. I have recently realized that even if you tell yourself it will get better with the future it just doesn’t help. Basically life is go to school and college then get a career then marry someone usually between the age of 26-30 then have a kid following that and later on retire then wait for death. Most people that seems fine but for me I think why bother its pointless we are all just another brick in the wall. We don’t matter. I don’t matter, I’m bot going to change anything. I have set a time and way I will kill myself. I have a note all ready . I will give myself one more year to live. I will take 7 of my sleeping pills(125mg) with some form of alcohol and just wait for death. I chose a year because I will wait and see if someone can change my mind see if anyone cares enough about me to stop me. I just don’t know if I can make it that long…
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4 comments
The sad thing is tht your right about life but that doesn’t mean that you have to end it try to make something of yourself do exiting things idk I just think it helps take the boring out of life
lifes rough. everyday ppl deal with death and abuse . you have made it this far . its not fair to make evryone cry like me, for attention . to say that if we dont do something about it you will kill yourself . do something for yourself dont just complain, go ask for help or tell people what your feeling dont make them pay for your poor execution, if ppl arent informed they cant help you so get off the computer and call a help line or talk to a friend do something because life is a precious thing that 1000000 of people fight for and your going to throw it all away ? smile. and get help .
In a dark sense – ya. We school, we work, we die.
BUT there IS good too. Accomplishments of graduation. Joy of love. Marriage. Struggles of life and overcoming the hurdles. Kids are amazing. I am guessing grandkids are just short of heaven.
My point is – you can look at the dark side, or find the bright side. I KNOW it is hard (hell I am not doing well today)…. but I hope you will hang in there.
Either way. You DO have friends…… I am here. And so are other posters. Good luck.
Before you die I hope that you will take some time to explore whether or not you have lived yet, been present to this world.
I don’t mean to pretend that it gets better, or to offer false hope, but I do believe that your true being awaits you in this world.
Peace