I’m only 16. Why do I want to die..

my life isn’t that bad. not anymore at least. I was raped by someone very close to me. almost every night in 4th grade. other than that, i dont know whats wrong with me. yeah, i get bullied. but not to my face. maybe that makes it hurt more. i know my family and boyfriend love me. but i cant stop thinking and planning my death. im giving myself a month. a month to see if things ever actually do get better. ive been depressed since sixth grade. cutting used to help, but it doesnt anymore. i dont have any escape from my mind. im so tired. and i feel so alone. i know i need help but part of me doesnt want it. my brain is so messed up with all these horrible thoughts. does anyone know what im going through or if it gets better? please. i want to be happy. right now all i can think about is killing myself. its been like this for months and i dont know how else to stop it. i want to give in.