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where have i gone wrong?Â
my deep decent into depression is worse than i thought possible. i have literally lost my mind. ive driven myself mad. i dont know whats real anymore,i cant concentrate. i daydream consistently, i cant controll it, its like ny mind is trying ti escape reality. its become so severe i struggle to tell if im actually imagining it or its really happening. im so insecure, i have no friends, my family disownes me, treats me like absolute shit. im so very alone, not a single person to talk to, but thats just reality. i dont sleep anymore, i just lay in bed and fantasise about where my life has gone wrong, how i ended up where i am. i think about death and often contemplate different suicide methods. a couple of months ago i had my first suicide attempt. i tried to hang myself in my closet, but like the little ***** i am i coulnt bring myself to do it as i could just stand back up again and id breathe once more. i dont know whats wrong with me, i want nothing more than to die, yet i cant inflict self harm in the slightest way. im scared of pain and suffering. im only still here because im still in the search for a quick and painless way to die. as i cry myself to sleep, i wish nothing more than to never ever wake up again. nobody cares about me. nobody loves me. nobody takes a second look at my existance. im just a fucking failure and i dont deserve to live. its only a matter of time before im dead, i just need to find the strength to finally do it.
6 comments
I am here to tell you that I care, so don’t say that nobody cares because I’m right here, if you need anybody to talk to I’m always here, don’t feel like you are alone in this because you’re not, I’m sure you have family that loves you, they may not show it but imagine how sad they would be if you were gone. They care, I’m sure of it. Please don’t attempt.
You are still here for a reason.
I hope you not becoming a maladaptive daydreamer like myself, not good mix for depression if you ask me. You’ll give up more on life as you find you have nothing left to look forward to. If you haven’t been in this stage long there’s hope you could get yourself out of it, depends on your motivation to get better.
I been at that point you at… maybe even worst than you many years ago, trust me when i say it takes only ONE THING you want most out of life that will give you the reason to breath if only for another day more, you not going to get motivated about anything to live for if you focus on what you don’t have. At my lowest low long ago I lost complete interest in everything…..
There are others on here, and for moment expressing yourself might help or having others hear you out. I have to run but be back later if you wish to share anything more.
There was no comment here while I was writing mine… you see “waitingforyouu” is here… lol
^.^
i appreciate your kindness, but in all honesty you dont know me, you dint know what i endure just to get through another day. when you think your family is there for you, when you hope that they are there for you, when i needed them most they werent there for me, and in return i get abused and harrassed, yet you say these people love me? they havent taken the time of day to even get to know me. yet ontop of all that i have no friends, i have no one. im forever alone. true happiness can only occur in the last few moments if this fucked up thing you call life
*sigh* you don’t know what they feel deep inside.
And you are right, I don’t know you and what you’ve been through, all I can say is that you are not alone. Yeah life is fucked up, and it’s what we make of it that matters. Dying is easy , living is hard. Find strength to have hope. Forget those around you. Take care of YOU.
🙂