To introduce myself I am 19 years old going 20 this year, but I feel like my 10 year old cousin can do a lot of things better than me because he is not uncomfortable of human interaction. Through constantly being afraid of people and events when I was a kid. I became very weak and inexperienced. I am also very lazy that I can’t even write here all what i have to say about me. I just sit all day at my computer, wasting my talents away.. Procrastinating…
I don’t want life, I don’t want people.. I just want nothingness.. I don’t even like to have an afterlife, whether it would be heaven. Because I just hate human companion. I unconsciously isolated myself to kids when I were young and tried to be friendly when I noticed that I was alone.. And this is what I discovered, I don’t want to be alone, yet I don’t want to be with someone else, because it makes me feel more alone…
I constantly see myself jealous of the people who are happy, despite having real life problems.. I hate myself for being depressed without real life problems.. and I wish to end this..
16 comments
Sounds pretty alike to me…
I think I am addicted to deppresion. that is why I keep on isolating myself for me to think of depressing thoughts
well the world is depressing
I’ve been there, it’s a cycle. Depression makes you isolate yourself and being isolated makes you depressed.
After a while it does become addictive, personally I think it’s because when nothing is going on in our lives being depressed can be a comfort because we’re feeling sorry for ourselves and we’re finally giving ourselves attention, just not the right kind.
what did you do to overcome it?
‘intoxicated with the madness, i’m in love with my sadness’
I think there will be at least one person you will like being with and feel comfortable too, as you do on your own, there doesn’t have to be many, but there is someone for everyone. You do not need to be a social butterfly.
Life IS painfully hard. I know it.
Hello by the way
I’v always had a vaio laptop btw. :] Is that where your name is from??
I don’t know if depression can actually be helped for many – might not be a choice.
I don’t know, who am I to say?
But I do agree, it’s a horrible vicious cycle
Yea, addicted to depression. It’s just where I need to be, where I belong.
I took an interest in music and took a course in college and made some friends with interests I have.
I think confidence is key, throwing all of yourself into something you want to do without a second thought and not questioning it.
From time to time I still get depressed but I usually get over it after a week or so after writing songs and poems to get it out of my system.
yeah.. mimsicle.. I was thinking of a name, then I saw the label at the laptop I am using.. then that’s it.. :)) I am actually smiling right now.. but I will be back to depressive thoughts later. damn
I actually did that before, I was depressed two years ago and actually comitted suicide.. then I studied again and tried to connect to people.. then that is when I realized that I don’t like to be with people. which brings me back to this depression.. which is less severe, but I am becoming less productive
It’s not so much the people that have helped me, it was finding something that I wanted to do for the rest of my life.
I was the same got kicked out of school failed nearly everything because I was just so disinterested and argumentative and didn’t want to do any of the things I was being taught but then I found what I wanted to do. I suppose it’s hard to find something you’re passionate about when you’re depressed when you can’t even gather the energy to get out of bed but you never know, finding something just for you could be worth it all.
If you don’t like being around people you could even go to night courses or find a one on one tutor.
Do you know what you want to do?
Hey I’m glad you smiled – be in the moment, try not to think of what will happen next.
In that moment you smiled. and that’s it.
did you know smile is the longest english word? because there is a mile between the first and last letter… CORNY. sorry 😛
I am a complete mess these days, but I still have a joke in me and the ability to keep it light..
Sony Vaio’s rule, but I would really love a mac
Also, you know, you don’t have to like being around people. Try not to let it get you down.
I like to observe more then be IN a social scene most of the time, and I much prefer being with one or two good friends.
you will come across one or two, maybe three people you can connect with.
When I was younger I was very social and always needed to be with people, but, even then, you can feel very lonely surrounded by people.
I don’t think you have met the right people yet. for you.
Hi, can I just ask why you don’t like people? Because I feel like we have some things in common… for instance, I am painfully awkward and have avoidant tendencies when it comes to people. I don’t dislike them; I actually find most of the people I meet quite admirable, but they also tend to make me notice how different I am. I think I would say that I’m scared to be around them, actually. But there are certain people who make me feel more positive after spending time with them, however scary it is initially, so I think sometimes it’s important to get out of that comfort zone.
I have a code for really bad days – I call them MHDs (Mental Health Days). Then I tell myself “today is an MHD” like you would say “today is a Tuesday” and try to think of it as just that: any other day I have to get through. I don’t know if it actually works but hey, I’m still here. I also keep a small notebook around at all times to write in when everything is horrible and I don’t feel like talking to someone. It’s my “lifeline”.
I find that giving such things names and defined roles help me see them as just another part of life. I don’t know if it works for everyone; someone told me that naming them makes them seem more important and permanent than they are (although they’re pretty darn important and permanent to me).
Please believe that you can get through this 🙂 As mimsicle said, think of the moment you smiled! The depressing thoughts may come, but there are also promises of more such moments in your future.
And yes, the ability to keep things light always helps.
thank you stellaeric. I actually am awkward that sometimes I prefer to be alone than to here them conversing very happily which I don’t understand, that is very painful for me. I tried to be positive before, but it really feels weird. It is like making blind hope. Well i really hope to be productive and overcome this.