Everyday I am sinking. Like a stone. I am nothing and no one but empty bones. I am hollow through and through and I just don’t know what to do. I am a coward. Food tastes funny and sleep lacks escape. My vivid nightmares, mocking reminders of my pointless reality. This is shit. But what’s a coward to do? I wish I could brave up and take that last ending step. I wish I could float away effortlessly.
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I used to think that last step was a brave thing too, until a good friend of mine took his life. I was so angry at him for ending his life when we were supposed to be in this together. I had thought about the last step myself before the day he died. But then he made me realize that it isn’t brave. He made me realize that sticking through this pain and all this shit is true bravery.
I don’t know what to do. I feel like a coward for wanting to end it and I feel like a coward when I can’t bring myself to do it.
It isn’t cowardly for wanting to step out of the fire that sears your skin, nor is it cowardly to fear turning away from the fire forever and losing light. Do what you think is right, if you can do that you’ll of exhibited more strength then anyone could of asked for.