Ok–I’ve been on this earth for 45 years. Im in decent shape & until I lost my job made a decent living. For the past 30 years I have been building up my courage to commit suicide. At various points in my life I have tried suicide. Cutting, sleeping pills and have thought of running my car into a truck (but why ruin some strangers life) so I have not done that. Many people have told me that life gets better. By living I have proven that hypothisis wrong. My point of this post is to state that were I sucessful in my first attemp when I was 21 I would not to have endured years of this life. I realized looking back that my life really has not gotten better. Tried again at 24. Wish I was sucessful then as well. Looking back from that point my life has not improved nor am I any more happier. I also realized that no real interesting or meaningful things have happened in my life since my attempts. So if I was sucessful, I literally would not have missed out on anything. Yes , I have been in a few relationships, all pretty good but ended. Ive had a few laughs with friends and have travelled and read some good books and enjoyed the outdoors and the arts. But something inside of me just wants to terminate the program. Im not fulfilled and everyday seems just a fraction more worse than the day before. When I lost my good paying job–I did not care. Why did not I care? I do not know. I do know when one door closes another always seems to open. My situation is that each door has opened into just another dreary room. Yes, I will find another job , yet another dreary room , so to speak. It just does not end nor gets better. Im just going into new dreary situations, door after door. Wish I could write , life does get better. Perhaps for some it does. It has not for me.
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43 comments
Ditto………… I hear all the time the saying,………… Suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem.
Its not temporary when its ground hog day every day of our livess for years on end.
I wish I had the correct meds to take to end it all.
I have used heroin twice yet once was IV and I didn’t watch how it was prepaired, the second was snorting alot at one time, I shouldn’t have lived from snorting so much.
I don’t know anything about heroin, eyt I know here in Phoenix Az its next to impossible to get snortable H, just the Mexican brown Tar and that has to be smoked of IV’ed. I’m afraid of screwing it up and even though I IV’ed cocaine for years I’m afraid of needles.
I pray for a heaart attack often, wishfull desires for fatal cancer, a truck running into me, that kind of thing.
I really relate to your post, I had a great paying job with a major oil company for many years, yet resigned because I started using cocaine again, biggest screw up of my life.
I feel the same way. Suicide is a permanent solution to a problem that won’t ever cease to repeat itself.
Seems like your old enough to know what you want. Well see each other on the other side.
I too wish I had some uplifting words to say, but I understand. Killing oneself is hard to do. It goes against our survial instinct. I agree. If I had died the first time 45 years ago, I would have missed a lot of hell and struggle. This is, indeed, a struggle without end that only we who live it can understand and share. I am now 68, living in a prison of my own construction, a comforatble place, until I can leave this planet of empty values.
Ditto…
And wishes of peace for you.
I don’t think in no way shape or form that it’s fair for you to say this, to put down the hopes of the younger kids that come on here.
Rah, rah, rah………..
You don’t like the truth?? Hey, I hope nobody ends their own life either. But as someone who IS living with depression – I get it. Clearly you have never had depression and you are talking out of your asshole.
Hey little kiddies – the world is ice cream and lollipops. Ignore your pain, ignore the injustice, ignore evil.
Or, we could be REAL and discuss thing honestly.
Which do you think young-adults will actually listen to and respect?
Lmao you people crack me up, just because you fucking whine all day and use your depression as an excuse doesn’t mean other people have to be like your pathetic ass to be depressed
TROLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
People_do_care was actually very helpful to a lot of people. He has several emails from satisfied customers.
LOL to that.it seems like he’s here to troll rather than to share.
It’s nice to know it’s possible for things to just not get better. all the best for your plans man
you know what PEOPLE_DO_CARE Why don’t you fuck yourself and your contradictory username! You have no idea you narrowminded git! So stay off this website and go fuck around with facebook or something. You do not have the right to insult or make fun of people’s pains. God damn you. I hope you end up on here soon with all the right problems so then you’ll know what it really feels like to be in pain with yourself and your life.
@ here4now
I hope things get better for you. To me, it just seems that you’re lonely….and things will work out if you get yourself out of it. You can’t just wait. Pretend. Have an optimistic view on life even when your mind doesnt feel the same way. Slowly you’ll adjust and things will get better. 🙂 You can email me if you want.
I did not write the post to bring down younger people. I wrote what I feel and to give a more realistic perspective on life. To the post that says I may be lonely. I dont know about that. I always seem to have a gf or family or friends around me for support. I do not use drugs or alcohol and I had a good childhood home. But life is just one dreary room after another. Im not a big fan of overly optimistic people. To me they seem to be in denial.
@Peopledocare–after careful thought , I realized you are just an idiot. Yeah, I may be depressed but I do not go through life with insipid, stupid self deliusion. As you appear to do. You are probably one of those a holes who go through life saying “uh oh, you must have a case of the Mondays”, or “think happy thoughts”. I have far more respect for someone fighting themselves to stay alive than a shit like you with a permanate smile on his face.
I find it fascinating. I could be someone else and respond using only palindromes, acrostics and anagrams for my own amusement. Constrained writing is very challenging, it’s a shame more people here don’t try it. We all have an angle, I’m just not buying it.
After careful thought!
AHHHH the irony of idiots, see here’s the funny things the people who are being “put down” are the ones trying to put down someone else, really though all of your stupidity is fascinating, your words so useless. Last time I checked none of you are psychological doctors nor will you ever be hence the fact that you think just because someone can laugh and inspire other people means they’re rainbows and smilies when in reality YOU are the ones who don’t know what depression is. In reality your just a bunch of losers trying to put your unwanted opinions on a site telling teenagers how to kill themselves. SMART. Now go on with your pitiful useless life.
@ people_do_care : I never even bother to read your vitriol.
@ people_do_care
Wow……I’m to lazy to talk back to you and tell you what the truth is and how we’re trying to help others and cope with our own problems at the same time. SO ALL THAT GOES RIGHT BACK AT YOU.
And I wouldn’t be to surprised to learn that you are drunk. Thank you for your cooperation in this matter….whoever the hell you are.
Can we stop pretending that we know jack shit about each other and have a meaningful conversation. Peopledocare you don’t know any of these people, who made you the authority of who they are? i don’t see anyone telling teenagers to kill themselves either what are you trippin on man
Why are you all bashing people_do_care? His/Her comment was for a good cause.
He’s projecting. It happens. I find most of the worst, most scathing opinions are usually about the person saying them, and not so much about the people those opinions are directed at.
Kali: maybe so, but his way of addressing the problem is, as it were, the problem. Depressed people don’t normally respond well to narcissistic rage.
I agree kalisue. People do care makes a good poit – a post like this is not very hopeful for young people. When I have thoughts like this, I keep them to myself.
There’s no reason for anyone to say it does or doesn’t necessarily get better. What nonsense is it to suggest that either of these are objective features of the world?
hmm this is an interesting conversation, I can see both sides of it. Here4Now is just being honest and telling his story, but basically he says he has had everything in life that people are supposed to want and that none of it is worth anything. Had a good job, had money, had plenty of good relationships, had a loving family, basically that he has had a really “good” life but that even good lives suck. Which really is true for some of us, it doesn’t matter we have no hope of actually being happy no matter how good a hand life deals us, there is just something wrong inside, something missing, something that just doesn’t let us enjoy anything…but that is only the truth for some of us, and it is a really depressing thing for people to read. I feel the title is also to general, and should have been more personal. Something closer to how you ended your post. Where you say it didn’t get better for YOU, but acknowledged that might not be the case for everyone. Which is not at all the same as the broader statement that you used as a title.
Its illogical to say things dont get better or to say that they do get better, things are things they dont change for the better or the worse they merely change, what makes them better or worse is our perception. So this is bullshit. in my opinion.
Procel: Damn skippy.
Procel, I think you will like Martin Heidegger. Someone that used to frequent this site asked me to read some of his work.
@orangish u gotta admit it tho, its pointless blaiming the ocasion when its us that are at fault.
Dom, whos that?
You mentioned that it’s our perception of reality that can be altered. He’s a philosopher that tried to define reality.
How do u define something that is a unique to each person, changing beyond recognition, from one side of the world to another?
You can’t. It’s a bit like having a dream. You might not be able to recall every specific detail but you can generally remember enough to know it has taken place but you can prove it to anyone. It’s your own unique experience.
Can’t i mean
people are allowed to post their stories. if you don’t like what he/she has to say, don’t read it
@kalisue Thank you.
@people_do_care.
@Here4now.
Ditto. I can relate to your post.
Thanks. I do know how it is and I do want to relate to those who feel so alone; and I don’t believe one can do it through platitudes. I’ve been there, and I know what it’s like.
To “people do care”:
I thought this was an open forum in which we could express our true thoughts and feelings. Are you a shrink or religious? If so, butt out.
I was in a down mood. I’m always that way after going back to Illinois to visit my family. They are decent people but live in the tea-party box.
Yes, I’ve had good times too. When I found out that my cancer was gone at the age of 62, for the first time in my life, I realized what it was like to want to live. But those feelings wax and wane for us suicidals. We aren’t like other people. We don’t share their values and personally, I don’t get excited about who wins a stupid sports trophy.
I do love beautiful days and nights, filled with nature sounds, sunsets, dogs, cats, butterflies and all the usual romantic things, including good sex.
So yeah, there are times when life feels good, but the bad times always return. Since I’ve been on Lexapro, I coast through them better. Yet, sometimes I still wonder ‘why?’.
Don’t we older ones have a right to voice our feelings too! Our real feelings.
“I agree kalisue. People do care makes a good poit – a post like this is not very hopeful for young people. When I have thoughts like this, I keep them to myself.”
he got every right to speak his mind .. if someone finds the guts to kill him/herself based on another person’s perception, then this world is even more hopeless than I thought