I just cant see a reason to go on.
I have lost everything in the recession. I was lucky and found a new job in a new place. I found a job I loved. I was a respected professional. I was doing so well. Had my life back on track. I befriended a coworker. We were both in a new city and both new with the company.
I had a new home with a yard for my dogs. Slowly our friendship grew and we both helped each other to do amazing at our new jobs. I started to branch out and make new friends of my own. A coworker who was also a friend, an older woman going thru a divorce got jealous. She scared my friend that our friendship was going to cost her our jobs. It was a lie. She turned her into my enemy and within 2 weeks time they got me fired. It is no consolation, but a month later my friend broke down and quit and moved home.
Me, I lost my new home, my new friends, my new coworkers, everything I own.
I have been held up in a hotel for 3.5 months. Im watching my dog wither away to nothing. I have noone to talk to. I try to fake happiness when I call friends so they will speak to me. My family wont help me.
I cant even watch the shows I like cause Im limited to 12 channels.
Ive fallen so far so fast. I don’t eat. I found a job but it is just enough to keep me going in the hotel. I will never get out of here. My credit is destroyed. All my hopes and dreams are destroyed.
That woman took everything.
My brothers are successful. I am a failure. I had a great career. Then was laid off 3 times. I moved, I had my career back, everything was going so well. Like a dream come true.
Then, it was seems like an instant, it was all gone. I have never been this low. My birthday is next week. It was going to be a good birthday this year. Instead it will be the worst one ever.
I just don’t see a reason to live. Everyone I know is doing well. I am a failure. I have never been fired before. i am humiliated. I am dead inside. I have nothing now. i have never been this lonely. I want to die.
6 comments
I’m glad to hear you at least found a job since last time you posted. If you were able to bounce back last time why do you think it would be impossible this time? So long as you’re at least able to pay for the hotel room and basic necessities i suppose you can “relax” for a while and try to devise a plan.
That really sounds unfair what happened to you. Is there anywhere you can go besides the motel?
I know how that can be man. And what really sucks is when you think you have that solid friend, and they do a 180 on you outta nowhere. the only positive thing i can say is if you cant keep going for you do it for your dog, mine was a big reason I have stuck around this long
You sound a lot like me, but you’ve got about a decade on me.
If you’d asked me 1.5 yrs ago who were the 4 people I felt closest to and trusted the most, I’d have named 3 people who have completely stabbed me in the back and betrayed me (and the 4th probably wasn’t really looking out for me in all this, either, and to some extent one could consider complicit). I too had something happen that kept me from these then-new things in my life that had given me a new lease on life. Then, once I had them back, I thought it would all be good from then on. Instead now, it’s torture and isolation.
I think that you sound like you are more depressed than I and you want to die more, but I am kind of at the point where I’m at the end and I don’t care. Even when I’m not depressed, I don’t accept my current reality, which is so much worse than my previous one, the one I should still be living now. I have been keeping myself alive for YEARS because I didn’t want to hurt my mother. But now, I see that she has adequate coping mechanisms and I don’t. And I see that even if I love and adore and appreciate her more than anyone else in the world, my life still belongs only to me, not her, and I cannot live it for her peace of mind.
I really hope that everything works out good for you, man.
Thank you for your concern. My dog, and not wanting to do that to my mom, are the only things going for me right now. I have a slight glimpse of hope but it would talk a miracle to get me back where I just was. I know its a sad to cry “life is not fair” but in this case, life is not fair. I know plenty of happy people that things have just worked out for. My biggest fear in life has been to end up alone and that is exactly where I find myself with no hope of being with anyone. Go figure. Perhaps this is my biggest fear because its my destiny to have life torn from me every time it is going really well, like some sort of curse, so that I end up alone. Is better to die now at 37 and say I had some good times, than to spend the next years in misery depressed about what would have been?
Yes, I definitely think so. But if you (and I too) find something amazing and real at the other side of the tunnel that doesn’t get yanked away, will that be worth living through the pain? Possibly.