I have a hard time talking about this stuff but i just dont know anymore about anything one second I’m happy and ok and most of the time i just dont know what to think its weird, i dont know what to think anymore I go to the gym to help my confidence and it seems the harder i go the harder i am on my self , I feel i made the wrong decisions in life im not getting anywhere with life i feel like im at a stand still, i hate every choice i have made noone knows i feel This way and i dont feel like i can tell anyone because i put on such a happy face and noone thinks anything like this about me but on the inside im dying i think of suicide almost everyday, but could never bring myself to it because i think of those who it would effect and how they would fell but that being said i hve been overwhelmed by the thought lately its like everything is building up and needs to come out i got college,work,friends,family,co-workers ridicule, a medical condition(more physical than anything) and thoughts that im just not god enough all pilling up on me the future is not bright its killing me and sometimes i hope it does im not ready for this world and nobody gives a FUCK just because its not To Much for them it shouldnt be for anyone else fuck im so sick of Bullshit of feeling like im a Fucking idiot like i dont match up do anyone but whatever the world keeps on turning people keep on being people i guess feelings never go away,  i feel better just talking but whatever am i over reacting  or fuck……..
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2 comments
I like your style. I feel similar often. I hope your condition doesn’t turn out like mine–decades of trying only to fail at everything, and to hate my existence more every f*cking year. Oh, and absolutely alone, too.
But I really like your style in that block-of-thought.
I realate to you. I tried to kill myself a few days ago and failed, But afterwards the shame of trying to abandon the people who care about me hit me. I swear I will never try to think about suicide again. So I have to look at myself. My Mum said I’m doing o.k in life but I feel like a complete failure. I hate myself and have no confidence like yourself. I smile all day at work but fall apart when I’m alone at home, I’m a loner that avoids social situations because I’m socially awkward. So my thinking is to make a list of these things and try to do something about each one. I like reading sel-help books as they generally give you hope that things can change. That could be a good starting point for you?