I want to sleep for all eternity

My life drags on.. Day by day.. Night by night. The easiest I can make it is sleeping, dreaming, only the dreams sometimes brings nightmares. Can life really be this difficult? Is it really possible that souls can be so.. Broken, that the only way out is taking ones life? Was it necessary to even put the broken souls on earth to just suffer in silence? To cry themselves to sleep? To be so needy of death to save them..? Are tears even worth it? I can put ink on paper and still have nightmares about waking up. Life is displeasing. What if I left? Would I have then pleased my family, my mother? I don’t even want to type that word. Say it. Think it. It’s cold and bitter in my brain. Leaves me shaken and torn. Deprived of the feeling. The feeling only others feel. I’m lonesome. I want to be free. Holding back tears is getting hard. I want to escape and no one realizes it. I’m ready to go.