Hi. My name’s Erynn. I’m new to this website, and wanted to introduce myself. I thought the easiest way to do this, was to make a small list of facts.
1) I don’t have my drivers license yet.
2) I go to therapy.
3) I hate myself; there’s nothing about me that I like. Nothing.
4) I have no friends.
5) My parents are frustrated. They love me, but don’t know what to do with their daughter. Mom ignores me, and Dad just gives one-word answers.
6) I started being depressed in the 4th grade.
7) Going out in public makes me utterly sick. I feel like everyone’s eyes are on me. (Aka social anxiety)
8) I used to love to draw, so much in fact, that I wanted to be an artist. I hate to do it now.
9) I’m not addicted to drugs or alcohol.
10) I do not cut.
11) Most nights I lay on my floor and cry.
12) I never try to talk to my parents about how I feel. They either make it worse, or get annoyed with me.
13) I’m useless, and a waste of space.
14) I want to kill myself. By drowning in the bathtub.
15) I’m scared to do it.
12 comments
its nice to meet you Erynn.
youre in good company.
Welcome to the site 🙂
I’m a lot like you :/ i have bad social anxiety and i used to love to draw but lost interest in it and realised it was no point trying to be good at it.
Fourth grade sucked for me aswell; my depression started then because my grandmother died. Then my parents moved me out of everything I knew and into the worst place possible because I was now in a hick town when I was -in THEIR eyes- city trash. My parents couldn’t even get through to me from then on because I didn’t want them to, so that was why I wasn’t any good at making friends. But that was just the negatives of my suicidal thoughts, luckily the positives came to me before I decided to try killing myself again. I started to express myself through art -which I believe all the depressed people do- and my drawings were grotesquely beautiful and horrifyingly like Picasso, all because I finally let everything out. My advice to you is to not care what your art looks like -if you want to think about trying it again- and just put that paper through hell and shame, make it feel all your sadness and anger, pain and love and let me know if that works for you.
-TR
It’s very normal to be scared to off yourself.
I don’t think drowning yourself in a bath tub a good way to die.
rocket man- it isnt. it wont work. never does.
you just end up gasping for air and coming to the surface. i heard some people choke a bit on the water but that’s about it.
i researched it after i read that….wow i’m pitiful
you arent pitiful dear. hahaha its alright. by the way ive read some of your posts.
Nice to meet you, I’m new as well 🙂
I’m new as well and I am in your exact shoes…I know it gets hard and it’s so much to handle I have tried so many times to cope with it all and it never works…it’s like your done trying…like noone cares so why should you…it will get harder before it gets better but it will be better for you and the sooner you see it the happier you will be…I know you’ve heard that before…I heard it 100 times before I realized it…take it from someone who is living it…it’s a hard long road full of tears and unbearable tears but every storm runs outta rain just like after everystorm there’s a rainbow
Thanks for all the lovely and benevolent comments… I actually wasn’t expecting such kind responses. Sucks I can’t drown myself.