My thoughts

I am 28. I have no future. I quit college 2 times because of depression and lack of money. I come from abusive family. My father had taken  it out on me during almost all childhood. I’ve been depressed since adolescence. My dreams have fallen apart once I dropped out of university. I wanted to commit suicide but didn’t have enough courage. That was my only chance to get out of poverty and misery. I failed. I have failed so many times in my life… I have probably developed another mental issue after dropping out – ptsd. Each day.  Thoughts about failing at school keeps haunting me each day and night. I haven’t had a good sleep since then. SSRI doesn’t work – they wont fix your life. After 5 years of various dead end jobs I eneded up being unemployed. I told myself I’ve had enough. Either I am gonna get a job with prospects or I will end up on a street and mabye this will encourage me to kill myself.  There is no point doing shit job that only pays ur bills. that’s a hand-to-mouth existence. Of course I am alone since no normal woman would like to be with such a loser like me. Dreams? Plans? All has been torn apart.

I gave up long time ago.  I dont wanna live anymore. I regret my mother gaving birth to me. The funny thing is that no one cares and people look at you as if you’re a shit, no-one, loser.

I completly lost motivation to even try to do sth. Not anymore. Not after so many painful losses. I’ve been unemployed for 6 months so far, drowning in debts. I dont do drugs or alcohol. I am just cursed from the very beginning.

to make matters worse i live in a shit country. i have no idea of how could i change my life. apply to another McShit job or something? screw it.