Don’t know if it relevant, but needed some advice.
I just got back from Boston. I live in Oxford, UK.
I am coming back to Oxford to face another problem of mine.
I have a best friend, we only be together about like 3 months but he is so nice to me.
A few weeks ago, I was drunk, really drunk. I didn’t remember much thing, apparently I texted him to come to pick me up. It was 1.30 am. He came, took me all the way back from the city centre to my room, put me in bed. The next morning, Â I found out about everything. He couldn’t catch the bus. So he ran, he actually ran, all the way from his place to city centre, took about 45 min. What is wrong with that man? Is he mad or something? Why he has to care so much? He could just have ignore me!
Oh, forget to mention that first I have had a crush on him but then we talked that it will never work since God know where will we be after we graduate, well that what he said.
Damn, I can talk to him about everything. He know that I am having a depression. He know when I cut myself, in fact, he was the one who threw my knife away.
I rarely talk about my feeling to others, I mean face to face. I only talk to my brother.
Back home I have my brother, here I have him.
And God, I am fucking in love with him and this is so wrong.
I wanna die, I wanna just kill myself escape some where far far away since I have my issue on depression enough, my life sucks, my parents don’t love me blah blah
And now my stupid mind cause me another big problem. I have problems enough yet I got another one. I don’t wanna be in love with him but I can’t. And I just don’t wanna stop seeing him cause he actually make me feel safe, I guess.
I can’t think of another solution, so death is again, an escape from everything.
I have enough problems if you see my last post, the big issue with my parents blah blah blah
I am so damn confused now, I don’t wanna be in love, this is so wrong.
I told him, it’s okay if you wanna walk away, I mean I totally get it, my parents do. But he keep saying I won’t turn my back on you no I won’t walk away stop pushing me away.
Damn, I rather had him say he hate me instead of caring so much about me.
The more he care, the more he nice, the more I love him.
This is so wrong.
6 comments
Sounds like something to live for to me.
I can’t love him, that would never work.
He is my best friend, this is so wrong.
I don’t wanna have this feeling.
I rather hurt that being like this.
I rather have him say he hate me instead of taking care of me so that I can stop loving him.
I know he will be here just for a year, and after that, gone.
People comes and goes. So does he. That sucks. For once, I think I found someone who care about me but in the end, he will be gone also, just like the others.
You know what he say, stop hurting yourself do it for me then. Fuckkkkkk
The way he say it..I I don’t know…shit..for his sake, not mine
This is hopeless, this is never gonna work, what am I thinking?
For the very first time in all those year. I fall in love. With a guy that I can’t be with.
Life sucks. I say I don’t wanna be in love cause I don’t wanna get hurt.Now what am I getting myself into?
I don’t wanna be here but I want to. I am so confused.
God, you are playing with my feeling again, what have I done wrong? Why you have to do this to me?
It sounds like he likes you, but dosen’t want to get into a relationship invade it doesn’t work out.
What guy would run all that way if he didn’t care for you ?
And after you graduate, you two would still be friends right ? Just keep in contact with him. Then when the times right you two will be together.
I want to tell you that I am in an exact situation like this, but I’m a boy in love with a girl.
Right now, she has no idea that I cut myself and all that. She just thinks I’m pissed off with the world. But whatever it is, I must tell you that it makes you feel more like shit inside the more you drag this on. Every single day I want to go up to her and tell her how I feel, and become part of her life in a special way, have her with me always and all that. But the thing is, I’m scared to bring all of my fucked up-ness into her life along with it. It’s a struggle, cuz I feel like I will go crazy without her, yet I can’t take the leap that will get me across to the other side.
I would say though (I would also do it if I had the courage)…Go out with him. I’m sure he wants to, and you never know. He might make you feel safe and stable, permanently (That’s right. A way out of all this emotional crap)
The only thing that’s wrong here is you forcing yourself to behave in a manner inconsistent with yourself. “To thine own self be true.”
I suggest you stop bearing false witness against yourself Maggie. Call that man of yours over and tell him the truth: that you want to kiss him and make love to him for being such a good man to you despite your imperfections. Fucking love yourself, woman! You’re normal. Unless he’s going to War, there are many reasons you two (or another guy, its a big world) you two can live happily Catholically ever after.
God wants you happy, period.
Ummm…I really don’t know, for him, for him, we are just friend, I don’t know if we could be something more.
And I hate to say that he does has a point, where will we be after this year? This maybe won’t last long, I don’t know, should we even bother to give it a try then?
But I will tell you if he is the one, I will go wherever he goes, I can’t afford to lose him.
I know he cares, he does, at last I found someone who I wanna be with, who I finally feel comfy to be with. But God, he will only been here for like 7 more months.
I don’t wanna lose him because I don’t know if I could find someone like him again in my entire life. I just can’t let him walk out of my life in the end like the others.
God, I am crying so so hard while I am typing this.
I am crying cause I don’t know how to get start with this. Should I just go and tell him like this?
It is so so painful to know that he will only be here for 7 more months and then God knows what will happen. I wish i could freeze time like this but I can’t.
I don’t know how many times I cried for him.
For 22 years, at last I found someone who I know does care for me, who I wanna be with. I never felt like this before.
I don’t wanna lose him, I know if I do nothing I will lose him, just like when I watch the others disappear from my life one by one.
I gotta do something, right? I go for it?