I know I’m only 19 and I have a lot of growing up to do, but I feel as if there’s no future for me to look forward to. I had a very hard life growing up, I had to deal with both physical and verbal abuse at the hands of my mother. I never received hugs, kisses or I love you’s from my mother. She rather beat the shit out of me everyday call me names like stupid, heffer, ungrateful and dumbass. My bi-o dad is not in my life.i haven’t seen the man I should call daddy since I was 2. He and my mom were never married by the way. He’s a deadbeat alcoholic who doesn’t give a darn about me his only child only daughter. I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 14 and I can’t help it I have a slight learning disability. I can’t help it I don’t understand everything I’m not as smart as my mother is she use to be a RN and wants me to become a doctor. I can’t go to medical school I know I wouldn’t get in and wouldn’t make it. My mom is in her second marriage she would take her anger out on me when her husband would make her mad. I never really ha any friends growing up. Makes me so sad people would tell me I’m so negative all the time be happy stop being so depressed. I can’t just stop bing depressed I can’t help it that I live in a shitty house hold and they have the perfect abuse free life. I feel so lonely all the time and people make fun of me for lots of reasons, im short, im a lesbian, i haveADHD and i have to take medication for it the list goes on and on. Ive attempted suicide 3 times been hospitalized once. I know my mother hates me cause I’m a lesbian. I was told growing up that being gay isn’t acceptable in the eyes of god. I just always wondered why god made  me the way I am why god put me through all the pain abuse I had to deal with as a child and teenage years.
Im not trying to be negative all the time or unhappy but I fee as if no one truly cares just cares about themselves and I know that is true that’s the way people are in today’s world. Most nights. I don’t sleep at all I cry myself to sleep from  of crying so much. i use to cut myself but now that I’m older i stopped cutting myself and started drinking alcohol and smoking to help myself feel better. i know i shouldn’t be drinking my bio-dad is a alcoholic well I guess he drinks for the same reasons i do life.I feel as if what’s the point in living anymore I’m tired of suffering taking medication going to counseling it’s not helping i still feel like crap. Somedays I just really want to die I get so tired of life and all the bull crap I have to deal with. I haven’t even began to tell u half the stuff I had to deal with as a child growing up this is only a little bit. I guess everybody’s right I’m just a complaint box and negative person who’s lived a negative life. But my negative life will come to an end soon I’m tired of living an unhappy life I don’t deserve the shit I had deal with all my life I did nothing wrong to deserve this, all I did was be born. I’ve given up on everything I had a dream of joining the army to get away from my family but I can’t score high enough on the ASVAB to get in the army cause I got darn ADHD I hate myself not fair  I’m not smart like everybody else.
2 comments
ADHD doesnt mean you are stupid. I have ADHD and I’m gifted. And dont let someone pressure you into a career you dont want to be in, its your life.
I can identify with many of the things you say here, my mother was like that, just add manipulative to the mix lol.
I’m 16, but I’ve seen a lot too, not gonna go into details, too long, made a post here if you want to see it, it was my first.
The age you are has nothing to do with how much you have “grown up” so to speak. I know people in their thirties, as mature as a twelve year old. Experience doesn’t come with age only, it comes with life. The age you are in numbers, is not always the age you are in your heart, and you sound like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders.
If you need someone to talk to, I’m on gmail, my adress is bride.of.paper@gmail.com
Yeah, ADHD does not mean unintelligent! Ironically intelligence can often mean depression, or at least that there is a correlation between having a high IQ and being depressed. Listen Swanblack to though, she sounds wise beyond her years 🙂
And don’t beat yourself about feeling depressed, you can’t help how you feel. There are many people, including myself, who probably have significantly fewer reasons then you to be depressed. It’s not much of a silver lining, but you should at least not have to feel bad about feeling bad. Unless they’ve been there themselves, other people won’t be able to understand what you’re feeling is more then just being negative.