I have been struggling with this for a long, long time. Suicide, the word that is there all the time, something I can’t get out of my mind. I know exactly who I am, and what I am going to be if I don’t end this. I’m just an ignorant, ugly, fat, useless waste of air, and that’s exactly what I am going to be for the rest of my life if I dont stop it right now.
I’ve tried everything: I’ve tried to be positive, I’ve tried religion, I’ve tried to have friends, to talk with my family. Nothing works, it seems like I’m some kind of ununderstandable human being, or maybe (and more accurate) the most boring, disgusting, stupid , whiny piece of crap.
I don’t know what to do. I want to end with my pathetic life, stop bothering people with my non existing problems, but at the same time, like if all my negative attributes weren’t enough, I’m a coward, I’m afraid of death.
Like I said. I’m useless. I do not deserve life because I don’t appreciate it. I hope death not to be as bad as it seems.
I’m very, very sorry for the waste of your time. Please, enjoy life as much as you can.
2 comments
I used to feel like that. I lot. Like it didn’t matter if I lived or died. After all, I was just the weird ugly person.
I used to think about suicide a lot. I picked up the scissors and closed the bathroom so many times. But I just couldn’t do it. And that made me even more depressed.
Then I came across this musical band and I found a reason to live. A reason to keeping going on.
I still feel that I’m the weird ugly person but in my head I’m beautiful and awesome in my own way. I still think about suicide sometimes, but this time I’m not alone.
And there are just so many things about the world that I don’t know. My bucket list keeps getting bigger day by day.
So all I want to say is, I know how you feel. You are not alone.
Still here, and not brave enough to end this. I’m very glad for you, I’ve been spending all these months watching people being happy, feeling lonely and invisible as a part of my routine. I just cant figure out how does happiness work, i couldn’t even find something to do with another human being, nobody seems to like what i like, nobody seems to care. I wish i wasn’t the coward i am, i wish i could have a hope, something that could tell me that things can get better, but everything sucks, maybe someday i will wake up one day feeling happy, and then i will look back in anger, for all the wasted years of this youth that right now means nothing but a miserable waste of time. I’m happy, hope you’re happy too…