my story

well as start i never thought that what happened to me exceed others pain,always seemed to me meanless and i always say,for God sake why i’m depressed

my depression came from my past,cuz when i was a child i always been sexually abused by my uncles,i felt dirty and sick,i always tried to tell it to my family but they never cared(until now i’am still being abused)and like this i started to have feeling for girls because everytime a guy touch me i feel disgusted and sick but with girls it was the apposit of it,well i won’t say that i’ am lesbian it was just for a period of time then i started to like guys again and at the same time girls so i’m a bi,i hated myself  for it,i felt bad for the desires that i have, so i tried to make my parents understand that there is something wrong with me as a start i stole from them,drank alcohol all of this did it when i was 12 years old, i never felt like a normal kid always strange ,out of the groupe,until  now i attempted suicide 3 times but failed,even when i slit my wrist”accidently” they didn’t and will never understand,so why the heck am trying to make them understand,that’s why i stopped,started to fake smiles infront of them,i created an illusion that am a happy teenage girl,i always kept my pain in,until someday i couldn’t hold it in,cuz my heart hurts so i started cutting,deep wounds filled my arm everynight,i felt good,i felt that i could keep the act but no everything crumbled when my mom saw the scars,my imaginary world has gone,everyday was hell and still even after i calmed them

now stopped cutting but started piercing my skins since my dear mom always check me up

i lied and broke my promise with my family and friend(who also was cutting but she stopped)and also to my boyfriend who accepted all of my flaws even that i’m bi

ashamed and regretfull,dirty and sick,a failure and a mistake this how i feel about myself