My Birthday

My birthday is on February 1st, this Friday, and I asked my mom
if we were going to do anything, an innocent question, right?

• Her car hasn’t had a renewal sticker since November, which means its illegal for her to drive anywhere.
• She and I had lost our jobs before the winter started, meaning we’re becoming dirt poor and can barely afford to keep anything we have.
• I have a court trial coming up soon because of a statutory rape charge on my ex-boyfriend
• I find myself thinking about hurting myself a lot or simply ending my life, but it would just put my family into more of a financial depression and I’ve already lost too many family members recently and couldn’t put my family through the despair
• I tell myself that I don’t need a boyfriend (I really don’t) but I am stuck by random moments in each day wondering why nobody, including friends, has reached out to help me or even noticed how much I have changed
• My grandmother, who I used to visit all the time and is only 60, texted me and asked if my birthday or my brothers was in February (Eric’s in is July)
• My father is selling our house from under our feet
• Recently I got suspended for beating the shit out of a boy who pushed me, and hit me, and when I tried to go to the cops to press charges, a cop that was a ‘witness’ to the whole thing lied about what happened and says that if I even attempt to charge him, he’ll personally charge me for assault
• I don’t eat as much anymore when I found out I was 120 pounds
• My best friend just moved away to a different city
• I’m stuck in this poor town with no job opportunities, a school district who refuses to see my family any kind of justice of the abuse and bullying that is happening in school and I feel like I’m going to snap one day and hurt someone or myself

Happy Sweet Sixteen.