affects of suicide

I’ve been a lurker here for awhile now but only this evening finally decided I need to comment.

I’ve seen this same story in many, many different places… magazines, forums, articles online, various comments on random websites, etc. etc.; you name it. It *always* makes me wonder. I do see that your heart is in the “right place” but I do believe you(and others who have similar feelings) could benefit from a dash of empathy. You do not come across as someone who has “been there”.

I guess I realize that I don’t speak for everybody and I’m very much aware that my opinion isn’t that of the majority(not even close!), but I need to ask: do you see how selfish your comments are? “If not for yourself, fight for others’ sake!”

I’ve been living “for” others for the last 27 years and look where it’s got me. I’m depressed, anxious, suicidal, neurotic and co-dependent. I’ve been in treatment for my whole life, childhood included(one of my very early memories is when I’d “skipped” kindergarden because I was much more advanced than my peers but within the 1st week I recall a counselor coming in, grabbing my hand, leading me down to her office and explaining to me that my teachers were “concerned” because I seemed “so sad” and what was wrong with me?), yet I’ve made absolutely ZERO progress. It hurts to breathe. I’ve been addicted to drugs. I’ve been homeless. I’ve been abused emotionally, psychologically, physically. My “family” is a gong show. My long-term partner/lover has come to despise me. He’s aggravated by my panic attacks, but I don’t really blame him. My only friend died 2 January’s ago now(we’d been VERY close for well-over 22 years at the time of his death). I’ve worked hard my whole life and my body is already falling apart. My hands are almost completely useless to me from the years of labor out on the farm. My body has been mutilated over and over; not just self-inflicted wounds to my flesh but also from intentional OD’s(not something I can entirely describe. I didn’t take these things to die but to harm myself on the inside I suppose…?). I’ve wasted a LARGE amount of money(that I saved MYSELF, not from a loan nor was I born with a silver spoon in my mouth- quite the opposite, actually).

When I hear stories like yours I often wonder to myself, if your boyfriend/husband has had to deal with even half of what I’ve been through I can understand him wanting it to stop under any circumstances; why is it so difficult for you to see this? Think of it as it is… euthanasia of sorts. His suffering is OVER. Isn’t that what you’d want for him?!

(Also did I mention that I’m socially retarded or something?! I realize my comment is likely to hit a nerve so to speak. I don’t mean to be rude. I AM genuinely curious. As well, I am sorry that you and possibly your daughter are hurting… I do sympathize! I’m just also confused, too!)