Brokenhearted

Honestly. I have such a broken heart, even if I’m 13. Who the fuck cares? I can’t feel loss at “such a young age”?? You try living my life, see what YOU think this is. I’m not weak. I was weak once. But I grew up. That’s right. 8 years old. My grandpa died, I had to grow up. Within 5 minutes, I was completely mature. I had to be. My grandma just lost it. I had to take care of my little sister. Of course, I was barking orders, but I had to. I pushed the feelings down. I was a drill sergeant for a while. Same thing when my dad almost died. My mom completely flipped out, and I had to take the reins again.  I cried. Day in and day out, I cried. But I realize now that I was so weak. I can’t believe that I was so weak as to let my guard down and let someone in. Not only that, I let more than one person in. I let one person in, then another, and then they let me down, one at a time. I should have expected it. But I didn’t. I don’t trust now. Promises? They mean nothing. No one can keep a promise. It seems that humans are just made to break promises. So no, I trust no one. I let one person in more than once, too. That’s the worst part. But they fucking took my heart and ripped it up even worse. I’m still picking up the pieces, trying to tape it together. Of course, he took quite a big chunk with him. It still hurts. And this happened over a month ago. I should be over it by now, but I’m not. Maybe I will be soon. I’ve gotten over people before. I can do it again. But this was so much different. He was so sweet and perfect. The sad thing is: I sound like I went out with this guy. I never did. I just liked him a whole fucking lot. I’ve actually never had a boyfriend. Weird? Maybe. But hey, that’s just who I am. I can’t help it. Every time I say that I’ve never had a boyfriend, everyone’s all like: “Why?” and they look at me like I’m a freak. Why the Hell do you think? No guy has ever liked me! They all just fucking brushed-no, shoved me off like I was the ugliest person ever. And they wonder why I always say that I don’t like anybody. Hmph.