i am 19 years old, I live with mom, my sister studies abroad and my father is rarely home. I have good parents, i know they love me and i know that i love them too. but, i have no idea why every time i’m around my family, especially my mom, i always get pissed, and i’m always angry all the time for no reason. i think a part of me feels that it is kind of my family’s fault because we’re not like a normal family, we don’t go out together, i’m not close with my father and every time i talk with my mom, both of us would just start arguing. due to my behavior, i’m starting to think that my parents are beginning to hate me, i get compared to my sister because she talks a lot and is interactive around my parents even though she doesn’t have a perfect relationship with my mom either. i don’t have anyone, i have friends but i still often feel alone, i’ve never had a boyfriend and sometimes i get jealous of other people’s relationships, their relationships with their boyfriends/girlfriends and their relationships with their families, especially just seeing how happy most of them are with their families and how close they are with their families. it seems extremely difficult to fix my relationship with my parents. i feel like i have no one in this world, that i have no purpose to live anymore and that no one will miss my existence when i am finally gone. who wants to live like this? i know i don’t….
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It can’t rain forever. My suggestion is to talk to your mom. Make that effort. Keep your head up. 🙂
I’m 31 – the relationship you have with your parents is exactly the same that I have with mine. My mom says things that shouldn’t be said but you defend her actions and say that “My mom loves me. She means well. Maybe it is me” My dad told me all the time when I was growing up that “I’m not your pal. I’m not your playmate. I’m your father” I would see all the other dads playing catch or going to a ballgame with their sons. Me and my dad never did anything like that. He doesn’t call and talk to me. If he has anything to tell me (and it ‘s always concerning my mom), he emails me. We never had a relationship and don’t think ever will. He told me many times that if my mom died then he wanted nothing to do with me.
I can go on and on and point out similarities but I figure you get the jist. What I am telling you is that you need to see someone and talk to them about it. The problem is the way you’re being treated. You’re justifying the way you’re being treating and internalizing the abuse. It’s verbal and mental abuse. Your parents might not realize they’re doing it to you but they are. I tried to live my life and not see anyone but I finally lost all control. I treated my girlfriend of 6 years exactly like my parents treated me. You’re mentally programmed that way. Behaviors are reinforced. The cycle of abuse continues. You need to do something to stop the cycle.
I’m telling you that it’s not your fault. Please go talk to someone.
“I get jealous of other people’s relationships, their relationships with their boyfriends/girlfriends and their relationships with their families, especially just seeing how happy most of them are with their families and how close they are with their families.â€
I took up ball room dancing and one of the lessons I learned was that what you see on the dance floor, how graceful a couple moves etc.. is not usually what is being experienced by the couple.
I’ve talked to a number of pros and they confirm that what is required to make something look great from the outside does not always equate to feeling great for the couple.
I guess what I’m saying if that we base our life experience on what we think we are seeing in others, were setting ourselves up for disappointment and depression. What we’re actually seeing is more likely an illusions created through the filters of our own expectations.
In the age of social media it becomes even harder as every day we hear about someone having this or that experience that doesn’t match our own.
For a couple to dance well requires allot of work and practice. Instead of getting jealous talk to them, what are they doing that makes it work. Don’t be surprised if what you learn doesn’t jive with what you think you saw.
A book I wish I had read when I was your age and that you might find helpful: ‘How to Be an Adult’ – by David Richo
I will also mention that the feeling of wanting to die, similar to fear, grief, joy is a tool of the psyche to get our attention. Often confused with a desire for physical death more often than not is a philological desire of the psyche’s need that a way of thinking, attitude, relationship, job…. needs to die – let go (often more painful then physical death which may be why some choose that rout). Bey letting go we make room for something else to “grow†(often from the “fertilizer†of those parts of ourselves that we let die),
You seem very articulate so perhaps start by writing down all your thoughts on the way to view others and then go back and check to see what are facts and what may be illusion. Let the illusions die, there really just weeds choking real growth.
Hi Brittny. I can somewhat relate to your situation. I’ve never really been in a meaningful relationship before either, though my relationship with my parents is pretty good. We definitely don’t always see eye to eye, but we try to work out our differences like mature adults. Also, remember that people may appear happy on the outside, they may not be so happy behind closed doors.