Cutting was my control, now it isn’t anymore.

The thing I felt in the beginning was the control I had. Finally I found something where I, only I, had the control on. But now, after more than 1 year, I still do that thing, but it doesn’t give me control anymore. Actually I have totally no control on it. But still I’m doing it, because it gives me a good feeling. For a few seconds. Fight after fight, a battle with myself, got no control on it. It’s was the main reason why I was cutting in the begin. But now it’s not the reason anymore, because there’s no control anymore while cutting. I guess now the main reason is that I’m addicted to it…