If I were to be honest for a change and told you what was inside me. All the demons I fight every day. How much regret I have for everything I have done. If I told you that I want to kill myself. Would you understand? Probably not. Everyone looks at me like I’m insane. All the scars on my arms and legs it reminds me that my past is real. Every day I look in the mirror and hate what I see not just the outside the inside too I feel so ugly. I’m full of anger and sadness. I’m deprived from happiness. I would tell you my story but it is way too long. If you just knew the pain that I go through everyday would that make you guys think for once and change. I don’t know why I would tell you to do that. Well I guess I do maybe someone would not have to go through what I had to go through. You think tragedy is a choice your wrong. I grew up wrong and I mean who didn’t There is not a single family that is perfect. Later on in life after everything seems to settle down your life is not in chaos anymore but yet you’re still in pain. I will feel this way until I can learn how to deal with all the pain I feel and loneliness that feels so overwhelming that you would rather die. Until then I will not be living I will be trying to survive. I know for once the truth of how cold this world and the people in it can be. I hope you see that maybe there is hope for you because I don’t see hope for me. I would never want anyone to feel the way I do. When you know that you are truly alone in all this and there is nothing you can do about it, you will come to realize to just cope until you can’t go on anymore. My past was a mess I did everything possible to try and feel okay. That only left me with regret and sadness. I know I must be boring you but I just want to say that if other people have suffered and learned to cope and have a happy life you can to. Please don’t give up that easy because you are special to someone and someone would suffer a great deal of pain without you in the world. Thanks for your time.
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I understand you, Samantha… I want to die so badly… I am only a mistake… Nobody will miss me if I’ld die… Once… someone loved me… but she’s gone now… Nobody will ever love me again… No one cares about me… and no one ever will… Not one person in this world would even notice if I’ld just dissapear right now. I’m worthless… I am nothing.
You are not nothing. You are a nice young man who is sad. I feel the same way you do. People suffer everyone does some people overcome depression and feel happy. I would notice if you disappeared. I would miss you and it would make me very sad even though you are stranger I still care. You will be loved.
This is not depression… this is death. I am dead inside. And there is no one who would help me… no one who would care about me and make this pain worth it… No, Sammie… I won’t be loved… I know I don’t deserve to be loved… I feel worthless to my family and to everyone that knows me… I shouldn’t be alive… I don’t mean anything to them… so why do you say you would miss me? You don’t even know me… Why would you even care about me?
Why would I care because you’ve helped me a lot. You’re not worthless. I really understand this kinda thinking. I feel the same I push everyone away because I think I’m not good enough. I have no self worth you would know that if you seen what I’ve done to my body. You should be alive god put you here for a reason you might not know it yet but you are important.
I’m sorry, Sammie… I feel like I’m loosing my mind… Yesterday was my ex girlfriend’s birthday… I’m sick of crying because of her… But I miss her so much… And it hurts so badly because I don’t even know what happened to her… She has just dissapeared… I… I guess that most times I care about myself… But right now I can’t do it anymore… I don’t want to go on like this… And the thing that I’m afraid of… is that I don’t think I’ll ever find someone to love me so much as she has…
I’m so sorry. 🙁 I wish I could take your pain away.
Thank You for posting this. It was strangely calming.
I’d hate to add this, but people feel pain/sadness differently. Maybe some people are too broken to be alright… While I’m truly greatful to You for writing this, I find it hard to have faith.
very true. I believe in miracles. I have to or I would kill myself. My mother is bipolar and she use to be severely depressed all the time the only time she would get out of bed was when she got manic now she is a lot better she laughs and smiles everyday. I have a little bit of hope for everyone.