i feel useless to this world. im not good enough for anyone or anything. i suck at everything i do and i’ll just be a failure the rest of my life. im ugly, stupid and an annoying ***** who needs to die. i’ll never be the pretty one, i’ll never succeed. my mind is all fucked up with suicidal thoughts and im not the person who i was before. now i just wanna die and escape this pain. what reason do i have to still be here if no one loves me, the only thing i’ll do is cry myself to sleep, self-harm, and hate on my own reflection. im sick and tired of living, i don’t want to be here anymore and my life is only tearing a part. having a life is the most precious thing a person can have but what precious thing is there about life if all my life was just hell? i live in silence, afraid to speak of my life in darkness.
1 comment
Take heart, Silence. If you were really as bad as all that we would have dated at some point. I also have to point out that you write with a degree of intellect and precision that is uncommon these days, especially on an internet site with your brain obviously in full meltdown.
As to not being the person you once were, good–stagnation is the real enemy. I imagine you could make an argument why the new you isn’t as fun but you already know you can change, willfully or no.
I also recognize the growing momentum here; know it very well. I know its cadence and rhythms like my own heartbeat. If you want, you can email me at docflamingo@hotmail.com any time and we’ll talk. Don’t do anything while you’re wrapped this tightly up in yourself. You could do something you don’t entirely mean to, or worse do something you do want in a very bad way.