Trying

I have dealt with chronic depression and severe anxiety for years.  I also have two neurological conditions, fibromyalgia and narcolepsy which give me horrible pain when I’m awake and horrible nightmares when I’m asleep.  I feel very alone and there’s a voice in my head who says that it’s not worth it.  I have pain pills in my bathroom and I know a handful of them would make all the problems go away, but I don’t take them.  My mom lost two out of seven kids plus her husband and I don’t think she would take me dying well.  I am not living for me anymore but for my family members and the voice gets louder and louder, particularly like now when it’s late and I’m the only one awake.  I have survived childhood abuse and rape and the death of loved ones but I think my mind is giving out.  It’s easy to fight the evils of the world but it’s so hard to fight your own demons.