You told me you’d do it with me.

If you have read my first post you will understand that my life is honestly shit. If you didn’t to sum it up. My dad beat me my whole life, I told him I wanted to kill myself and he told me to do it. He took me to the hospital when I over dosed but dropped me off left, and told me I deserved it. A bunch of stuff has happened since. I have been in 3 mental hospital for attempted suicide. At one point I wasn’t eating or doing much of anything at all. I would go to school come home, and sleep until the next morning when I woke up. That actually made me very sick. When I was awake my mind would be filled with horrifying thoughts of hurting myself but through out all this bullshit I maintained a boyfriend. I met him when I was 4 and we became best friends when we were 7. He was a part of my family. He was like a brother and father to my younger brother, a son to my mom, and a brother to my younger sister and just my world. The only downside was he was depressed to. He would cut himself, over dose, and do street drugs. I tried to help him get clean and at one point I did. But when I freaked and went back to the hospital he lost it. The day I returned he was so bad he left to go. Even though our relationship was toxic we tried to make it work. We did break up because he was cheating but we still remained friends. There was a night I was having a really bad anxiety attack and was planning on killing myself. I was writing my suicide notes, screaming and crying in pain at the same time, than my phone started vibrating. I ignored it at first than decided to look at it it was him. He told me these would be his last words because he is done. He can know longer go on. At this point I didn’t even want to try helping him. I told him, ” you wanna do this? lets go.” He responded with, ” do what?” I said, ” tonight I am going to the bridge. I am jumping. Join me?”  He told me he would. We waited until our moms were sleeping to leave. I don’t remember the rest of the night or even how I got home. But the next morning the police found us and took us to the hospital. We didn’t understand what happened. When they gave us our drug tests we came up positive for ecstasy . When I was told that I said, “But I don’t inject.” I didn’t even know how to take ecstasy. I was in denial that ever happened. The next day I got really sick. But nothing happened to him, but he claims he didn’t know anything about it. When the doctors asked us why we are there I told them what happened the night before. I was honest with everything. He told the doctors that the only reason he was going to come with was because he was going to convince me not to jump and was going to save me. No body believed him because I had the messages proving otherwise. His mom didn’t show up at the hospital for 5 hours. My mom felt bad so she sat with him. She asked him to tell her the truth. Even if he lies to every other person on the planet just not her. He wouldn’t budge. We both went to a mental hospital and when we got home he asked if I was mad he lied to everyone. We haven’t talked since.