My heart danced a little today

So, the morning didn’t go too well but that’s a given these days so blah, blah. I went outside to mow the lawn. Christ, is was hot. I checked my mail first – the box was crammed full – I have no idea when I checked it last. So, I finally get to the backyard with my mowing and I am so dehydrated because, well, I think I’ve been forgetting to eat / drink and I think, ‘God, I could die. Yeah, oh, freaking please let me keel over from heatstroke’. No such luck but I did decide to get a Medical Alert Bracelet that says ‘Do not resuscitate’ just in case.

So, anyway, then I showered and went to see her – a previous therapist – because she is going to try and help me with something. It’s the something that has been slowly killing me over the last five years (don’t ask).

I didn’t tell her what is at stake. I didn’t tell her it was to be my last hoorah. We just compared notes and made sure we understood what needs to happen next week – how she can help. I smiled as I watched her making notes. She made a call on my behalf – she’s always tried to advocate for me. It felt good to know she still cares enough to do that even though I am no longer a client (she doesn’t treat my problem).

I didn’t stay long but I smiled more in the 30 minutes I was with her than in the last 30 days, I think. She asked about my dogs. She showed me a photo of her holding her pet tortoise – he is almost as big as she is.

And then, as I am about to leave, she hugs me. I smile and hold on and then… my heart danced a little.