weed

For the past few months I have read the posts and posted myself on this site.  Every day is the same for me.  I think suicidally but then I’ve made it 40 years and have family thats suffering around me and I want to help but the suicidal thoughts persist.  But than after a few months I get lucky and score myself a 20 bag of weed.  I smoke a little and suddenly everything changes.  I feel even deeper sadness for those that I love that are suffering but I feel like I can deal with the loneliness of not ever really having a partner, of not having had a date in 10 years of not  having a job or money, of feeling like a loser.  A lot of those types of things fade into the background of my mind.  I feel a survival mode kick in.  I realize that wow I’m alive, what a miracle and I enjoy my little high.  Of course in a few days I will be back to broke and weedless but I know that the possibility is out there that some day I might strike green again, so until then I’m going to continue to read everyones posts and continue to tell all the teens (and everyone else) I see writing on this to hang in there.  There are a lot of us suffering but we can help each other through these words. Oh and get out and vote to de-criminalize the best medicine big ****** doesnt want you to have.